My Day
Ahh!! My Saturday!! Beautiful Sat!! Haha! I slept at 4+am last night, just to finish the layout of the blog. Nice not? Did it for more than 4 hours ok. Give me some credits lah, don't so bad. Finally finished le. Woke up at 9+am this morning, just in time to watch Pokemon. It'd been 2-3 months since I watched Pokemon on Sat morning. Usually I oversleep, and I missed the cartoon. This semester is different cause my classes mostly are at 9am, so my internal clock woke me up. Thought that my dad not working today, and waited for him to buy me breakfast. Waited till 12pm then called my mom to inform her something, then was I informed that my dad's working today. Piangz! Ate maggi mee again. Poor me!
Benny called me arount 12+, asked me to eat "breakfast" with him. He had been asking me out so many times that I lost count, so I said ok. Rather paiseh, everytime let him down. Met up at 1pm (I wasn't late!), then he eat while I drink. Rather full mah. He told me he had to do some groceries, so accompanied him. Went into NTUC then realised I kena cheated!! He don't know how to choose fruits and had asked me to choose 5 apples and 1 watermelon, then veggies also don't know how to choose, so I picked for him. Almost helped him choose fish, but they didn't have the fish he wants. Waited with him for his gf to send him home. His gf didn't send me home, so I took a bus. Was feeling bitchy when I got to know who his gf was, so I called Rin and tell her. Damn I'm bitchy..but I like it.....
Him
I msg him this afternoon, telling him that I was meeting Benny. He was rather disappointed cause he wanted to come over to my place. I didn't know that mah, so I told him I'll be back by 2:30pm. In the end I reached my house at 3pm. His motive of coming to my house: supposedly to look after me de, cause I'm sick, but he didn't!! His looking after is helping me solve my blog html script and hugging me while sleeping. He told me Steff went over to his place the previous night, funny thing was I wasn't jealous. The only thing that came into my mind was, did he do it with her? WTH..forget it! I went toilet to wash leg, then I sprayed him with the hose ON THE LEGS and guess what he did? He used to shower to spray me! My clothes were wet!! Argh!! We were like 2 kids playing with water lohz! In the end I had to change clothes. He bathed at my house(again) while I was busy drying myself. Didn't want my mom to come back and suspect that we did anything, which we didn't. After bathing we went back to my room and slept, he was hugging me. He was very tired and he gave me a kiss(on the forehead!!) before falling into a deep sleep. Mom came back around 7+pm, and fed him alot of food! She didn't even offer me lehz! I fed him some abacus seed, cause he didn't go to Chinatown with his parents for dinner. He stayed till around 8+ then went home. I sent him to take a cab and saw him leave. I was thinking, is he serious abt me? As in, does he really like me or what? How I wish I have the answer....
School
School Time:-
Today no ICPDD lab, so met Zhiwei, Emily, Xinni, Chan Min and Vidya at 9:30. Supposedly to be 930am, but I went out late, waited for 69 and got to school around 10:00am. Went library to borrow reference book, was searching for this FYP book for >15min. In the end we gave up and went up to level 7 to search for more reference book for our project. Had a tiny meeting, Xinni was giving out the job scope for all of us. Emily and Xinni were to do part a, then me and Zhiwei do part b, Chan Min and Vidya do part c. Emily said that I should partner with Vidya and Zhiwei with Chan Min. Thank God Zhiwei don't want, haha! I rather die than do with Vidya. I know I'm being evil, but once you really get to know her, you'll see tiny red horns on top of her head and a tail behind her, and if you're "lucky", you'll get to see the devil's fork in her hands. Haha, I'm exaggerating again. Met Sue to eat breakfast de, instead, we ended up discussing about the class chalet. Went AICDES lab, I only stopped at lab 2, supposed to do till lab 5 de. I was already prepared to stay back to finish my lab, but lady luck MUST be shining on me! David Wong said no need, everything we had done are actually not needed! *Phew* But sadly for Zhiwei they all, cause their efforts all wasted le.
Lunch:-
Me, Sue, Huiling, Eugene and Chan Yeh went Tampines Mall and eat. Ate Burger King and we ordered 4 Whopper burger, 1 Cheeseburger, 3 pckts of fries, 1 pckt of onion rings, 3 medium drinks (2 coke & 1 barley), 1 large barley and 1 packet of cheese nuggets. Conclusion of the cheese nuggets: Nice when hot, yucky when cooled. I finished eating le and asked Huiling go outside with me to have a puff. Actually I wanted to ask her if she wanted JY to come. Sue msg me earlier that JY wants to come with Viv and his dog, and I said no cause this is our class gathering. Don't know why I invite Kevin along also, maybe cause initially when we were planning on the chalet, Sue said to invite him ba. Can't remember le. In the end Huiling also say don't want, cause she can't stand Viv's nagging and complaining at every single thing. Went Popular and bought 3 Archie comics then went SK to help Sue pick out Meiyi's bday present. I got bored and went over to the watch shop and look at the cK watches. Was interested in a very old design but didn't have the chance to buy it. Saw another model tday which I like very much, but after 20% discount it's $300. It really fits likes a glove, no need to cut away the length or anything and it looks so chic and class! $300 lehz, how long must I save to get $300? Saded. Went home and slept till 7pm then remembered mom wasn't coming home for dinner. Shit. Should have dated someone to eat with me. Boh bian, have to eat noodles..
Family
My dad helped me book chalet le! So nice so nice! His sports shoes also kena stolen le. My mom was nagging at him and they ended up shouting at each other. Dad was drunk, that's why. Sigh. My family, small and although broken, it's still good. Hmmz, should rephrase it: my family, small and although good, it's still broken. Everyone sleeps in different room and rarely sits down for dinner. The only times we sit down for dinner w/o quarreling is during CNY. *Sad*
Him
He messaged me just now, asking me a question I do not know how to answer. He asked me why is it that whenever he drinks(alcohol that is), he always think of me. He misses me. That's good right? Cause the feeling of being loved has come back to me. But it's also bad right, cause I can't deal with this shit, not with my term test just 2 days away! *Sigh* On msn just now, he msg me after he finished bathing, boy was he long!! He told me he's going out later, and at that time, it was already 1am. He said he has to go send Steff home cause he's afraid that she's drunk. A little jealousy crept over me and I asked her what about her bf, and he told me her bf was the cause of her going drinking. I was like oh ok. I encouraged him to send her home, and he was shocked to see me so understanding. I was actually quite shocked myself. This is the first time I'd encouraged the person I like to send other girls home. Alone in the wee hours of morning somemore. He said this is the first time in so many years that he sees the understanding side of me, but what he doesn't know is I'm actually hurting inside. I just kept quiet. I knew that if the same thing happened to me (which won't lah, where got girls send guys home de), he would do the same. So after 5-10min, it actually doesn't hurt anymore and I'm actually quite proud of myself. I've finally grown up! He had taught me all these, patience, understanding and all the other shits, thank you YX...
School Me Him
Haha!! Today I also reach school early!! Today TCS had a mini "meeting". My group only 6 ppl. Lulu was the CEO of the company. My group got cute guy! Muahaha!! My class finished at 930 lohz, but had to wait for Zhiwei and Han Sim, so 10am then went opposite to eat. I didn't eat lah, just went there to drink. Now then realised that Han Sim was from Boardrick, Timothy's (my ex) school. Haha, then went to buy Toto and 4D. Don't know why but I bought 2214(Sat and Sun, $1 big) then when walking back to school then realised that I'd bought his hp num. Kevin's hp num last 4 digit to be exact. Haha! Die liaoz, buy without knowing it. Went back for ICAPP tutorial, think the lecturer almost gave up on me liaoz. LoL. We made so much noise in the class! She asked the whole class if the lecturer for lec got go through term tests question or teach us chp 5 already not, I replied no. She don't believe, saying must be I never go lecture. *Wow* How did she know that? LoL. I told her I did go, only thing is I don't understand his English slang, and the whole class laughed. See?! Not only me who can't understand his English!! Haha!! Anyways, she wanted to go thru our quiz paper de, but I keep complaining that I'm hungry, got gastric pain blah blah, and asked her to release us earlier. She say only I hungry, so she asked the whole class if they want to go thru, then everybody keep their hands down, so I told her,"See!! Everybody too hungry liaoz, nobody want to go thru." LoL. Very bad hor? Muahaha, that's why my lecturer like me so much mah! Haha! But then hor, went ICAPP lecture hor, is another different story. Was late 5minutes, then he haven't start mah, so I sat down and chatted with my friends. Didn't want to listen to lecture so started playing with my friend's phone. They were talking, got Han Sim, Dexian, Zhiwei and Theresa. After awhile, the 3 guys talk, so I chatted with Theresa. In between the lecturer did stop teaching and we did shut up for awhile. But we continued our chatting after that, haha!! Can't understand his English mah. Was finding sweets to eat, so asked for sweet. Stupid Shen XF came up and asked me a question. He was actually pointing at me. Fucking hell! He asked me what's the impedance of the capacitor. I was like what the hell! He said it was taught during CKT, piangz, sorry hor!! I barely scrapped through only! I keep telling him Zin/Zout, which is the impedance of the circuit. Think he pek cek liaoz, so he asked the whole lecture group and nobody could answer him! Fuck man! Nabey!! CCB!!!! Argh! I'm not going his lecture ever ever again!! Stupid China man! 2nd time make me so paiseh this week! And his lectures are like twice a week! Argh! After school supposed to go do AICDES de, but the 2.1 students having DICDAPP lab test, so sianz! In the end never do. Tml sure die till jialat jialat! Argh! Someone kill me before my lecturer does it pls?
Going to see a doctor later cause my lips are swollen. People don't really notice my swollen lips, you wanna know why? Cause I have thick lips. *Sigh* Crystal was right, God gave me height and took away everything else. Recently rashes keep appearing on my legs and hands, and the rashes looked like little chicken poxes. Haha, chicken poxes, what's with my English nowadays. Think I'm under stress, that's why. Still remember 3 yrs ago I kena the MHF disease(Mouth, Hand, Foot) cause I was too stressed. That disease applies only to little children, the doctor was shocked that I had it and she said it must be due to stress, cause that's when the immune system is at the lowest point. Think my immune system going down again cause I have cold sore on my lips and little chicken poxes on my arms and legs. I better pray hard that it's not chicken pox, else how to go chalet?! I'm so stressed up..need my ciggies to keep me going nowadays......
Heh heh! Shall start writing about him again. He was chatting with me yesterday till he fell asleep holding the phone. Stupid me even whispered a goodbye and goodnight before I hung up. We recently became closer le, after the last time I wrote about him. He's actually behaving more like a bf, more concerned and more idiotic like all guys are when in a r/s. Here's part of our conversation earlier on, found it rather sweet and irritatin:
Me: hey got miss me these few days?
Him: wah
Him: u ask me that almost every nite leh
Me: orhz
Me: understooded
Him: hahha
Him: wad did u understand ?
Me: hmmz, i'm being irritatin, naggy, keep askin the same question
Him: haha
Him: orhz
Him: understooded
Me: :'(
Him: y leh ?
Me: nothing
Him: hehe
Him: somethings dun need ask 1 my dear
Me: like what?
Him: i meant somethings like dun need to ask so often 1
Him: like missing each other
Him: or ..
Him: loving each other
Him: u know ?
Me: have u thought maybe bcoz i duno the ans or i can't feel it that's why i ask?
Him: i think its both
Him: coz we din meet up so often recently
He's actually very nice lah, just don't really know what he wants. Me and him, both of us don't know what he wants. As for me, term tests coming, just fuck care it....
School Familiy His Competitor
Yay!! Today no late for school!! Reached school liao lecturer haven't come yet. Stupid Zhiwei saw Vidya sit in the corner seat, then he dun sit beside her, forcing me to sit beside her. Recently Vidya had become very unpop. Was close to her last semester, but found out that she likes to bug ppl for answers and she rather selfish de. Don't like her. Don't know why she like to kueh shio with me. Argh!! Michelle and Zhiwei laughed at me when I have to sit beside Vidya. Saded. Kena bullied. Was talking to Wang Xin, trying to pyscho her to join Atomic then Vidya told me she will join this semester. Too bad for her lah, recruitment over liaoz. *Thank God* Will never forget the day she ruined my lab work by deleting the "legs" of the op amp and quietly go back do her work, never tell me. Biatch!! Argh!! Now nobody wants to do SIP with her, so sad hor? Sorry, Xueyu got SIP groupmates le, on the other hand, may God bless Hong Ye, allow him to pass ICAPP this semester!! I got back my CKTCS quiz le. I wasn't disappointed cause I expected to fail, only didn't expect to fail that badly. I've got 17/50. Bad hor? Even Dexian got 20/50. Shit man. Zhiwei got 40/50 still kpkb..idiotz. First quiz that I fail. I passed all my quizzes lehz! Sianz. Today in lecture hor, Theresa very heng! She picked up a hp! We started going thru the phonebook, saw quite a few name that was familiar, but the numbers doesn't tally with those in our phonebook. Was rather bored in the lecture, so started playing with the phone. I very guai ok, sit there quietly play game. Haha! Never pay attention in the lecture. Went CKTCS lecture hor, Finny sitting infront of me. Went in once seated, I kicked his chair and he turned back. Told him paiseh, my legs too long. LoL. I love to disturb him. He so cute!! Haha!! Told him to listen to lecturer then he told me he "you le". I was like whose baby?! How long le! Haha! Lame..but he also lame back with me. He said it was mine, that day that night, we both drunk. Haha! Told him I'll be responsible de. At the end of the lecture I asked him i he sure that baby is mine, cause he very close to 2 other guys. LoL. He say he'll go poke a hole in his stomach and draw the blood of the baby out, then "di xue ren qing" by using the oldest method! Put the baby's blood and my blood in a bowl, if they join means baby mine. Haha! Had so much fun in lectures today. Finny so cute de..too bad got gf le! LoL. Han Sim just called and before he could say anything, I told him I haven't do yet. I know he called to ask me about the TCS homework we have, and I really haven't start doing. He then say no, he actually called to ask if I had eaten, and I replied yes then he asked me if I sleeping early, I said no. Final question was please call him after I got the answer. Haha!! How clever can I be?
Mom was very nice, helping me to check out if there are any chalets available on the 6th. So nice. Too bad that day I want to chalet, other people also want to go. Sianz! Mom bought yong tau foo from my favourite stall in Chinatown, Koo Ji! Nice man!! Mom bought 3 packets, 2 were supposedly for me de, but I ate one packet nia. Don't eat too much, wait fat again. Dad came home rather early today, around 9+pm. He also helped me check out the availability of the chalets. So nice hor? Oh yah, things are back to normal between my dad and me le. My mom so nice..love her!!
Haha! He has a competitor! And he's abit jealous! His competitor is taller than him, as for the looks department, they're different kind of guys ba. One is a baby kind, that needs protection, the other is more mature and manly, that gives protection. Haha! Saw his competitor at the canteen today, he looks more man than the last time I rejected him. That was like sec 1 or sec 2 lohz. Haha! He messaged me after he saw me and messaged me after both of us finished our class. He's nice, maybe too nice. Don't know lah! Aiyoh, after term tests then see results first, if results good I'll consider, if results no good I won't even give it a thought. He was so jealous of the competitor yesterday that he asked me if I like him(the competitor). Haha, I was like no! Although aries fall in love easily, but not that easily ok!! So far in school since June 21st, up till now is 6 weeks le, only seen him like 5 times in school so far only! Won't fall so easily de, you think I what? Haha!!
School
Hmmz, today late for class (again!)..2nd time this week. Stupid bus!! Damn SBSTransit!! I went inside class, I sit down then Zhiwei say can go liaoz. I was so stunned. Today is just revision lab, actually no need to come de. This is what happens when you don't read the schedule inside the lecture notes. Haha! Stayed inside the lab for 1hr then we went off le. Did some revision lah, so can consider got some work done lohz. Went nuaing at short circuit, for 2 fucking long hours!! Argh! Went CKTCS lecture, hmmz, still abit fruitful lah, time passes by so quickly lohz. Like that my 1 whole day burnt liaoz.
Wenhui msg me during lecture, asking me to wait for him at atm around 1pm. Asked him why, he say got something to give me. Haha, I was so boh liao till I thought that he was gonna slap me or something, but I did nothing wrong mah. Hmmz. I asked him if it is a present, and he said yes. Haha..so I went meet him. Was a little late (I'm always late!) and his friends went lunch w/o him. So today he joined me, Sue and Huiling again lohz. Keep asking him what present he wants to give me, but he don't want to tell me. Yuru saw us walking together, so she called me ji siao me, say I "pian" year 1 commando. I was like huh? Didn't know that Wenhui was from commando mah. Aiyoh. Anyway me and Wenhui go all the way back to primary school. Haha! In the end he gave me the present, it was a packet of fisherman's friend and a letter. In the letter he said that I should quit smoking, this packet of sweet for me de. If it works, he'll continue to buy me the fisherman's friend. Frankly speaking, the only fisherman's friend I eat is the Apple and Cinnamon. Haha, but people buy, and I was rather touched. He give me present liao then he walked very quickly back to school, cause I was supposed to open the present at home de, then he paiseh liaoz..haha! Hard to imagine that a 22 yo guy like him, so tall and fit also will paiseh de. I msg him thanks for the gift and blah blah, then I jokingly asked him if he interested in me or what, how come treat me so nice. He told me he had been waiting for me since sec 2. I was like..haha!! Don't know how to react. Think he asking me to give him a chance now lohz, don't know why also lah. Siaoz! I'm fat, I'm ugly and I'm lazy. We shall see how ba..I like the feeling of being chased and I'm rather happy with my current situation cause I know I'll be too busy to have a bf. I also don't know what I want..we shall see when the time is ripe....
School Rin
Monday blues!! Argh!! Went to take bus today, don't know is I sway or what, piangz! No bus!! Not 1 freaking bus in sight!! There was 1 lah, thing is it's so damn packed you can't squeeze an ant in(I'm exaggerating I know) and best of all I wasn't even waiting for bus. In the end take cab lohz! Guess what? Not 1 freaking cab in sight! *Deja vu* Muahaha!! Finally found 1 cab, got in, then supposed to turn into TCC there, traffic jam!! Argh!! Actually can reach in time de, but I was stuck at the traffic light for 15 fucking minutes!! How sway can I get? Aiyoh, then wait for the lift, argh!! BOTH lifts were empty and were filled in seconds!! What's wrong with the people this week? I know this is the last week before term test starts, no need to act studious one lohz! NB! Went lab, Zhiwei was already patching up the circuit. I asked him why he so good ah, this week patch, cause supposed to be my turn this week, who knows he asked me to measure the waveform. Piangz..I like so long no play with those machines liaoz. We were stuck at the first question cause our waveform is a straight line, then did troubleshooting. Troubleshoot 10min liaoz then I realise never switch on the power! Haha, how silly can we get? Dexian came in late and we were chatting, then when my hp got message, he asked, "K***n ah? See I so clever!" Boh liaoz! Think he was very bored in lab so he went out and ate breakfast, knowing that I'm VERY HUNGRY! On purpose de, he came back and described what he ate, making my stomach growl! On purpose again, evil guy. Second lesson, best, I forgot to bring my text. The whole morning I was wondering why my bag so light, no wonder lah! Forgot to bring text. Heng also cause that lesson lasted 15min nia. Wenhui then msg me, reminding me that I have a lunch date with him today. Shit! So he joined me and Sue, Huiling, Jianyu and other ppl. He kept reminding me that he used to chase me, blah blah blah. I was like, aiyoh, things so long ago forget it lohz. He asked if I had any guys chasing me now, and I told him truthfully that I'm lacking of suitors right now. Sad right? He don't believe me!! Argh..he say we majiam the condor hero. He waited for me for 9 yrs (as if..) and he still remembered what happened during sec school. Piangz..wang shi bie zai ti le!!!!! So bad..sigh, at least he reminded me of how popular I was back in sec sch. After lunch I went ICAPP lecture, first time this week and maybe it shall be the last. The lecturer keep staring at me! Ok I know I'm at fault, shouldn't come in 20min late, shouldn't have talked to my 3 musketeers, shouldn't have asked for sweets and most importantly shouldn't have slept in his class. Kena scolded when I asked Han Sim for sweet, the lecturer stopped teaching and everyone looking at me. He asked me what I want from HS, and I told him I got it, thanks for worrying. Fuck man, make me so paiseh. Stupid Shen XueFeng!! Bloody China man with slang to match!! Argh! In Chee SA's lesson better, I answered phone infront of him he also never scold me, never do anything. Muahaha, Singaporeans better! So nice!
After class went for meeting, sianz. Today whole day almost din talk to WL. He so attitude de!! So childish, go put password in his blog so I can't read whatever things he's writing about me! Argh! But today he did make the first move and tried to talk to me, so got reply lah. He's ¾ out of my LIST le. My little BLACK BOOK..not many people inside de ok? Muahaha, maybe one of these days should list out. Argh!!! Today my IBTCPT fail liao lah! Don't know how to do!! Fuck it fuck it fuck it!! Stupid day, hurry be over lah!
Today Rin msg me. Our conversation:
Her: tink u having ur term test soon..gd luck n study hard
Me: Thanks, my term tests nxt week..so..can you forgive me for my foolishness and stupidity and start all over again?
Her: I dun bear grudges..just hope u can try to understand my changes as im reaching another stage of life..just as ill do for u too.:)
Hmmz, ppl willing to forgive me le, but I can't guarantee that I won't be stupid all over again when I'm jealous wor. Come on lah, she's prettier, she's cleverer, she's more shapely than I, a better person and successful than me. Bound to be jealous now and then de. Sigh, have to be forgiving!! Have to be my better person. At least she'll be there to lend me a shoulder when I need it, same for me..cause we had been best bud since pri 5!! Long eh! 11yrs liaoz....Rin, I hereby sincerely say sorry to you. SORRY!! Thanks for wanting this childish, stupid, foolish, impetuous, rash, hot headed, vulgarities filled mouth, impulsive, subitaneous action, unbridled, brusque, ungracious, crude, snappy, irrational, rambunctious, obstreperous etc etc (the list goes on) friend. Thanks!! (yx, if u reading this, I'm actually what I describe, not that good as you make me out to be..) Rin rin!! I missed you!!!!
Family Him
Yesterday was sitting in the living room watching TV when my parents started arguing. Yesterday was the first time I heard my mom admit where my savings of 6k had gone to. My dad had run up a huge debt that he can't clear, and my mom had to resort to using my savings. I was really hurt, being the only child and having my parents hide the truth from me all these years. All these while I thought my mom used my savings to invest in some shares, but I was wrong. All these while I was wrong. My dad then complained that my mom only spend very little per month, so being angry, I shouted at him that all that he'd ever pay are the HP bills and internet bills and my pocket money. The sofa he was seated in yesterday, the shorts he wore everyday, the food he puts in his mouth, the clothes he wore out everyday, the shoes he wears, the TV he watches everyday without fail are all paid by my mom. Even the house he lives in is paid by my mom. What had he ever done to make me like him? NOTHING!!
Today might be the last day I'll be blogging about him. All is over. I'd enough of going thru each day with him without a status. Told him that Charmain asked me not to wait for him and he told me not to wait too. Was really too numb to feel anything, hurt until too numb liaoz. So I acted strong and said I wasn't even waiting. I told him since he wants me to go ahead and find a bf, I won't call him or msg him W.E.F tonight. He thought I was joking and said that he won't too, but I told him I'm serious. Think he stunned and he said ok. We ended the phone call and he messaged me. Our msg conversation:
Him: Im sorry if i took u ever so lightly ... I dun wan to lose u ... But i cant be selfish n tell u that i love u but i cant start a relationship with u ...
Me: dun use love cause u're confused and dun use love when you just want to make me feel better
Him: Sorry ... Tc ... Gd luck with ur term test ...
Me: u'd made me feel used and cheap..and i never know your feelings towards me..never will know
Him: I seriously like u ... N i do think of u ...
Me: I seriously duno what you want..i tried to accommodate you liaoz and what i get back is naught
Him: I oso dunno wad i wan ...
Seriously I don't know how to reply him. I'm burning with anger and pieces of my heart's tearing up, together with the memories I had with him. In any case WL u're reading this, just shut up. You'd never been in love so you can't give any comments. Yours is just a crush, when you'd been in love and been dumped before then you come give comments about playing with fire. I just want a stable relationship right now, I don't wish to be a cheap bitch or slut anymore! I feel so down, after term tests I sure go drinking de. I'm so farking confused now and I felt so used, so cheap, so stupid, so foolish, so heartbroken...
School Family Him
Yesterday din get to write my blog, cause was too tired to do so. Yesterday went out late, but got to school early. First lesson, ICPDD lab, and I was so bored!! Finally did resist coating. Had to etch the SiO2 from the bottom of the wafer, but the O2 plasma too strong, it etched away the resist on the top side as well. Saded. So bored in the lab yesterday, well I'm always bored in that lab cause too many people doing the same process, I don't get any chance to do anything at all. At 1030 we finished class, so I undress my "alien suit" and went Breadboard find Sue they all. Had breakfast there cause I know lunch time I have to go over to Safra do something. Saw Zhiwei they all leaving and signalling for me to go, so I bid Sue they all farewell. I called after the 4 musketeers and ran after them. The next thing I know, they were laughing and running too! I chased after them and at the bus stop, I asked them why they run. They said that it was a natural reaction, I chase so they run. Han Sim said I should have shouted "Mata! Mai Zao!"(Police don't run). Dexian then said they not police, so they will still run. Sigh. Went for AICDES, and the lecturer, David Wong rather nice to me lohz. Told him I want to listen to song then he tuned into 90.5FM. Very nice lecturer indeed. Wait, I'm uncle killer aren't I? Haha, killed another "uncle" on Thurs. A staff talked to me in the lift, never in my TP life had I seen this guy before. Haha, and he asked me what year I was and all. Sigh, why can't I for once attract guys my age? Aiyoh, saded.
Safra
Went Safra with Jacky, Celest and Barry. Jacky took MC so didn't come for his SIP today. Went to Sakura and check out the place. Actually not hungry one, but see the buffet there, piangz! Hungry liaoz. The food there can only be described with 1 word, MAaaaRrrrrrvvvVaaaaaALLLLooooUuuuuusssS!! Haha, then went to the bowling alley for a quick meeting. Discussed the money needed and all. Supposed to go Rochor and find the decor de, but Jacky feeling sick so he went home and I went school for another meeting. This time the meeting got Kee Wee there, first time we held a meeting infront of a lecturer. Took a rather long time lohz, cause I'm asst treasurer. WL keep asking the treasurer to fork out the money for the dinner. No way man!! I like to see the money grow, don't like to see it go. So came to a conclusion. Increase the price of the tickets from $20 to $22. Ahh..then I called 5 guys to borrow their Safra card, so it'll be cheaper. Yay!! After that WL had a talk with me. Got serious and non-serious de, but the serious one I know my fault, so I told WL. He was glad that I realised my mistake. Hey, I'm a responsible person k! I'm responsible in making things go screwed up. Haha..nah! I'm not that kind of screwed up person. Remember, I'm sweet and forgivin!! *think WL goin crazy if I say that one more time..LoL* Anyways, was rather frustrated cause got alot of things going thru me right now: Him, School, Atomic, Jacky, WL and my father. Rather stressed up recently. Sigh, I'm going to break down one of these days...
My mom went out yesterday and didn't come home till after 9pm! Bad mommy. By the time she came home, I was already on my way out liao. Haha, she saw him and she joked with him. Can see that my mom approves of him more than she approves of Egg. The way she talks abt him are no longer sacarstic not hurting. I'm glad she likes him. Well, of course lah! Her daughter likes this guy mah! Haha..my mom. Can't stand her..haha! My mom didn't go out today cause I promised her that I'll be staying home. She stayed home to accompany, and we did get some bonding done. Didn't really chat with her this whole week, sorry mom! Me and my parents are like friends, more friends than parents and child, maybe that's why people tend to think that I'm rude to my parents. I'm not, this is our family's way of communicating with each other. You should see the way me and my father behave when we're on talking terms. He would walk pass my room and hide behind the wall, then peep at me and stick out his tongue. Majiam kid like that..sigh. Don't know when I can solve my problem with my dad. Cold war, it's getting too long and I'm tired of it. My dad just came home and he's drunk..so what else is new?
He came my house yesterday evening and slept from 6pm till almost 9pm. What was I doing leh? Playing games with WL on msn and watching shows on the TV. He sleeps like a child, looks so sweet. He bathe at my house(again) and we set off. Supposed to go Parkway de, but he quarreled with his dad and drove off. Instead of driving like he used to, he drove very recklessly, and knowing him, when he's angry just let him whine and keep quiet. This is the first time i sat in his mercs fearing for my life and his. He dropped me off to take a bus, and he drove off. I was very worried, very worried about this safety. I smoke finish 1 stick then called him, he already reached home. Winz. In the end he did come down to Parkway and joined me and my friends. Kinda ignore him awhile cause was discussing some club things with Han Jie. Went octopus and chatted. After Sue they all left, we met Charmain and Isaac. Chatted awhile then Isaac sent me home first before sending him home.
He called me just now before meeting his friend, and said that Charmain asked him what's the thing between us now. He told her that he don't wish to commit cause he'll be going overseas and he don't expect me to go with him. Excuses. Isaac told him LDR rather difficult to keep. Of course, got ppl back him up liaoz, he say ya! But he did asked me if I was happy with the current situation, and asked for a truthful reply. I told him I'm not really happy, cause it's like I feel as though I'm a mistress. There's no name or anything. Mei ming mei fen. Saded. Can hear that he was thinking about what I was saying, so I changed the topic. Mr Wong said liaoz, liking someone does not neccessarily means that I have to be with him, right? Maybe he's just another passerby to distract me for this moment only, or maybe he might be the one, but just not now...
School Family Him
What happened in school today? Can't really remember, think my brain faulty liaoz. The size of my brain 2 days back: O, my brain size currently: . That's right, just a dot. Hmmz, I remembered reaching school early. Funny huh, left home late and I was able to reach school way before my lesson start. Sue came up to my clubroom and fixed her shoes, which sad to say had been worn out. We used some of Jacky's glue (opps, sorry huh Jacky and WL, use w/o permission). We departed at around 9:10, meaning I'm late for lesson. But when I went to that block, my classmates were sitting outside. Thought the lecturer later than me, but actually nobody wants to go into the room yet. Went in liaoz, sat at the 2nd last row. Mr Philip Bungum(he's not Indian, he's an American) didn't ask me why I din turn up last week but instead he smiled at me when he returned me my mock test(it was TCS lesson). I saw the marks 17/24 and I was like shit, was I really that bad at minutes taking? Zhiwei told me that mark was given by Jackson, and he actually gave 16 nia, but he knows whose paper he marking so he gave 1 more mark. Saded, really saded, but turned behind saw what the lecturer wrote I was happy and laffing my ass off. He wrote: Generally pretty smooth. Good organisation. 4.5/5. If you had completed those sections this might be an 'A' paper. Muahahah!!! I din finish writing the minutes mah, but 4.5/5 not an 'A' liao meh? Or Americans 'A' is full marks? Lecturer let us go off early and I went to find Sue they all, but the labs all empty de. Saw Yongzheng and he bring me out for a spin. Not for fun de, he not so nice to me de. He had to send his friend home to get something, so I just joined in for the ride. It was boring lohz!! He drove so slowly!! 60kph!! Piangz..almost fell asleep. We got back in time for my lesson, actually I was 10min late again. Haha, but the lecturer knows me de mah, so late also nevermind. Went in I sat last row, started chatting and all, then shoot the lecturer. She very the long winded de, everytime lesson don't end on time, instead always drag. Don't know what she do also, very pek cek and hungry le, so she asked me some questions and I told her can't think, stomach hungry liaoz. Somemore lunch time, need to go eat..she say hungry also must do finish the tutorial. PIANGZ!!! What an inflexible lecturer siah! KNN. She was also the same lecturer that hit me on my arm! Argh, I missed Yee Mei San!! Why she have to go for course? Why must let that byotch take over?! Why!!!!
Lunch also rather kelianz. Sue and Huiling have the student ambassador thingy, so had to leave at 1230pm. By the time I finish buying my food, it was already 1220pm. Na Bey!! All the lecturer's fault lah!! Stupid bitch! Boh bian, they leave liao then I ate alone. I was really walking around aimlessly lohz, can't find a single friend who has the same break as me. Boring. Went smoking alone. Boring again. Today is the first time in 2 weeks that I attended ICAPP lecture on time lohz! I'm like always 45min late or I don't attend at all de. First time in this semester that I fell asleep at the LT also. Finish school le I accompanied Jacky(Tong Liang) to Ubi book basic theory. We were sitting rather close together and I felt kind of funny. Cause not used to guy friends sitting that close to me lohz. His leg was pratically leaning against mine. After booking BT, we went Opel showroom and had a look. The people there like look down on us, but TL steady, the asst come and he just said in an irritated voice "we're just looking". Steady. Went back school and had a quick meeting for the Atomic dinner. Finallly agenda ok liaoz. Saw Alvin at bus stop and we had a chat. Throughout the years we know each other, we didn't really sit down and have a chat lohz. Sigh. Went BB Tea shop drink bb tea, only to realised Jacky had broken up. I was shocked. He almost quarreled with WL when they were talking. I was looking at Amos and Sherlyn playing chinese chess. In a huff, Jacky walked off. Sianz. The rest you can guess lah, we drank bb tea and played chess, then made the keychain. Sianz, the person made Sue's name wrongly. Argh. Nevermind, it's the thought that counts. Wah write so long liaoz..shall end here, have to go type my report one lehz....
Mom was being cek ark today. Showed her my TCS results and she told me the usual stuffs again. Say I'm actually very clever, just lazy to use brain(no wonder my brain cost so much), don't know what I doing etc etc. Sigh, parents. They're the main source of pressure yet they are also the right kind of pressure we need. Then told her another quiz I got 12, she went "Upon 50 ah?" Piangz!! Thanks leh ma..wa kao! I know I don't usually study at home, but I skipped lessons just to study for that quiz de lohz! Opps..haha!! I was rather disappointed lah, 12 marks nia. Sianz ½. So I told my mom it's upon 20, then told her I don't wish to talk to her anymore jokingly. Finished bathing liao then my mom asked me don't like that..LoL. My mom, can't help loving her so much...
Thought I msged him today morning, but guessed my phone's getting cranky le. The msg didn't get to him. He also best, din msg me the whole day. Was deciding to ignore him le, then he msged me in msn asking me why I din reply his msg earlier on in msn. Think my mom used the comp lah, that's why. Din chat much on msn also, cause he tired le. Funny thing is when he told me he got things to tell me, I thought he had found a gf and I was preparing myself for the bad news. He called me just to tell me his fren's gf sounded very teh. I was like diao!!! Thought what. He chatted with me till he fell asleep. Steady? 10min talk nia. He just woke up again cause he remembered he was chatting with me and now he says he wana call me, don't want sleep liaoz. Don't really understand what he wants..argh..men..they're the worst kind of animals around, esp KSYX!! Muahahha...
School Family Him
Today morning din go for lesson again. What I do leh? The usual, stay inside club room and studied for my quiz. At 10am, went for my quiz, then Zhiwei passed me my AICDES quiz paper. I was shocked. Very shocked. Guess what? I got 75%!! Woah..unbelievable. Today's quiz think I do wrongly alot of things liaoz. Went lecture then Emily suddenly had cramps, so helped her take her bag and called Nic. Nic rushed over and sent her home. It's this kind of r/s that makes me wonder why I couldn't find such a nice guy. All I get are horny guys or guys that want to gain something from me. Fuck man. Piangz, now crying liaoz. Listening to Dan Hill's song, Sometimes When We Touch. Reminded me of him. Fuck..
Anyways, this afternoon lunch went to find God Ma, ate 2 pieces of bread. Before that in lecture I ate 2 guo tie and 1 xiang chang. Up till now other than 1 goreng pisang, I actually din eat anything much.
Today's meeting was rather casual. Everyone's laughing and all, but the deadlines are near and I actually have no confidence. Argh. Went pasar malam with WL, Jacky and Meng Lei after the meeting. Din know Carlos and Edina broke up liaoz, kept bringing her up. Feel so paiseh. Carlos, if you reading this I'm sorry k? Public apology lehz. Pasar malam got personalised keychain. Don't know how to describe. You have to see it for yourself to believe it. The stall owner uses a saw and a piece ofacrylic to make into names. I'm gonna make 1 for myself, 1 for Sue and 1 for Huiling. Muahahaha..try to bargain. The best price I'd bargained is 4 for $18. Usual 1 for $5. Hope to bargain till 4 for $16. Best. Muahahaha..we actually had a competition at the kopidiam just now. See who can cry first. XY won coz nobody playing. Or rather WL ALMOST got it, but the atmosphere kena ruined by Huimin when she came over to greet me. XY can do it in 10 sec, last time lah..now maybe 20sec and longer, but no prob de. I can turn on my taps anytime, anywhere and any place.
Reached home around 10+pm. Mom was watching TV and dad was asleep. My talk with dad shall be pushed back again. I recently feel so alien at home. Watched the news with my mom and made some comments. Really wanted to tell her how much I need a shoulder to cry on right now. But just now told her I got back a quiz which I thought had failed and in the end passed with good results, she didn't praise me. Instead she started railing and scolding me, saying the usual stuffs like I'm so old, people can do it why can't I, blah blah blah. Why can't we have a decent chat without my parents constant nagging about a past mistake which I can't redo? It'd been 4 years, isn't it time to just give up? Forgive and forget? No matter what, I still love my mom despite of the naggings she gives me everyday. If my mom were to leave me one day, I'll be helpless and I would rather join her than face this cruel world without her..
Told her abt him yesterday. Mom told me to fuck it (she din say fuck it, she say forget him). She says I'm not to go into another r/s currently cause I'm to study. Think I'll give a damn fuck? Nah..she won't either. LoL. Mom asked me what kind of guy is he. I told him he's a nice guy, someone whom my mom will like. My mom, trying to be lame say it's not important that she likes him or not(as if), most importantly he loves and I love him. Woah..love is too strong a word to use. Don't trust love anymore. Mom, this is for you: I LOVE YOU! LoL...
He hor, today got MC. So don't know why he so hardworking, woke up so early. Called me when I was taking a bus to school. Chatted for awhile, was actually deciding whether to go find him in the afternoon, but remembered today is Rong Rong's bday, so had to take cake. In the afternoon, Sue say I no need to take cake liaoz, so I decided to pop by his house. I called him first, to double check just in case later go down see another girl in his arms. So I went lohz, but had to go back school for meeting, so can't stay too long. Went there hor, he was watching one of my favourite movies, LOTR!! So we watched LOTR at his brother's room. Was trying to tickle him, but instead I was the one kena attacked. People guy mah, I no strength de. Kena pinned down and was tickled, struggled very hard ah. If you perform a post-mortem on me, can see signs of struggles. LoL. Bought him a packet of cigg today, and took a cab back to school. Night time actually wanted to go out de, thing is he's sick and I'd communication prob with Charmain. So I went pasar malam walk walk, saw this key chain which I wanted to buy for him. Saw this cross-stitch very cute and wanted to make for him, but thought of his ex and decided not to. Like copying her. Anyway I won't do anything that makes me look needy towards him anymore. Just fucked it. I've a fucked up life. He asked me minutes ago, if I've a bf would I still treat him so nice, I replied no. And he asked if he has a gf would I still treat him nice, and I again replied no. So I asked him if he was interested in looking for gf, he says no, cause he thought I'm interested in finding bf. I WAS interested, but don't know now. Life is young, let me play and let me die from playing..told him nobody wants me and he say he wants me. I went Really meh? As if..and he said something that was meant as a joke but rather hurting..he said that I've to slim down somemore.......fuck it..yx, if u reading this, fuck it. You're making the feelings I've for you go lesser and lesser, you know? Just fuck everything..
School Him
Sigh, today no mood to do anything in school. Come school steamed steamed de. Stupid Barry standing behind me don't know see what. Go CKTCS lab this morning didn't do anything at all. To cut things short, I wasnt in a good mood this morning. Was rather frustrated over some things that happened the night before. Sigh, went lunch then went smoking at reservoir. Sue told me that Andrew(my lec) was wearing No. 4 today. Too bad I missed it. He must have looked cute, haha! Slacked the whole day today lohz, very shag and disappointed and sad and alot of mixed feelings. Don't really like today..
John's ex-gf came today, bringing along her son. The baby was so cute!! Guy somemore. See him shit and all. Can see that John really wished that the son was his. I wanted to carry the baby but he's only 2 mths old. Scared lah, so keep playing with him..he's so cute....
Had a talk with Mr Wong(course manager) cause he see me like very sad and stressed up. Told him I am stressed lah, stressed with school work, club, family and love life. Wait a minute, I don't even have a love life to begin with. I'm just that fucked up. He told me to solve the problems with my family first, told me to have a nice chat with my father. Maybe I will later ba, cause he's not home yet. As for love life, Wong told me that sometimes when u like someone doesn't mean that you've to have him totally. Say very easy, maybe that's what I'll do. Just let him have his way till he can sort out his feelings. As for school, everything lies in me, just see whether I want to make the effort or not. I had always thought that my CM very naggy, but he enlightened me with just a 20min talk. Thanks Mr Wong..
Just now was at TCC bus stop, took a cab back with WL. I was smoking and it was rather hot, so we sat under a sign board. A van full of POM was drivin past me slowly and 1 of the man stuck his head out and shouted,"SMOKING AH?" in Chinese. Piangz, none of his business. WL looked at me then I told him I don't know them. I've alot of friends but those are definitely not my friends. It's like WTH..damn it man. Then we got on a cab, WL told the uncle Kaki Bukit, where I was living, then the uncle like blur blur. Told him I living 600+ there, Bedok Reservoir. Saw James et al, James was taking the cab infront of me, so I wound down the window and shouted,"Uncle, hurry up lah, your taxi blocking my way!" WL was laughing lohz. Our cabbie abit CH also, keep asking me where I live and all, so I told him the market there, then he started chatting abt the market. Aiyoh, I'm uncle killer lehz, it's not just a name k, I've things to prove de. Why I always attract uncles and not guys my age leh? Sigh..uncles, don't try to be funny lah. Old cow thinking of eating fresh grass, if your house no mirrors, public toilets have, public toilets don't have then take a piss and look at your reflection. Think I'll be interested in you? No way Jose!!
I've mixed feelings about him. Don't know what I want from him. Really mixed up. Part of me was really disappointed that he didn't really tell me his true feelings. Part of me was glad that I'm not in a r/s with him right now. So pek cek..damn!! Sigh, was told to carry on flinging with him or give him more time. But I don't wish to be a lost soul anymore, like don't have an aim or something. As I've said, I'm like a lost soul trying to find a place to call my own, and I though I've found it, who knows that it was never to be....
School
Him
Today no ICAPP lab, so woke up at 9am. That Huiling called me and woke me up. Argh! Then went back sleep till 10am then wake up. My lesson at 11am mah, wake up so early also watch cartoon nia. Watched Hercules before going school. It's a re-run, but hey! Losers can't be choosers. Go school then realised I din bring my timetable. Piangz..heng Zhiwei same class as me in all subjects lohz. Though I was late, but lecturer later! Zhiwei, Han Sim, Dexian and Hong Ye(aka 4 musketeers) all wear black, today I also wear black. Majiam going song kah. Saw Wenhui when I was queueing for the atm. He asked me why I din call him. I was like huh? Got ask me to call meh? He say jio me go lim kopi, but should be next week ba. Lunch went to kopidiam next to Macs and we slacked there asking qian bian wen da ti. Went back lecture at 2pm instead of 1pm, 2:30 finish class liaoz. Nothing interesting happened today..
When I went back school, I was actually late for my class lohz. So I opened the back door..shit, kena stuck! Went in at first I sat at the last row, with Weisoon, but then saw my group mates so went front row, but then Dexian sitting 2nd row so I sat with him. Lecture din go, cause this week got ppl help me sign, next week then go. After class, me, Suefong, Huiling and Weiliang went Tampines. Updated my bus stamp then went eat din din at Burger King, then lim kopi. We also steady, sit until ppl close shop. Saw my ex-collegue from Genius Aircon and chatted with him. Got to know from his that Freddie(my ex-boss) had his retribution when Ah Foo, Ah Hao, Ah Tee, Ah Han and another guy quit together. Shiok right!! Orbi..then I got Calvin's and Ah Foo's number from Thomas. So long no contact them, kinda missed those working days with them talking cock everyday...
Family
Argh!! I'm so damn angry with my dad!! Called him to remind him about transferring my pocket money to me, and he say must cut cause I always go drinking and smoking. Either that or come home late. I was like WTH!! I din go drinking whole of last week lohz! Not that I can remember! Anyway my mom din say anything means I can do it!! WTF..trying to find excuses not to give me pocket money! Messaged him that if mom trusts me, so should he! And if one day I turn to drugs it's all his fault cause the more he restricts me, the more I'll rebel. That's why I started smoking 5 yrs ago! He slapped me across my face one night after getting himself drunk, and by the next day I was so dulan I bought my first pack of cigg. This is my way of hurting him..emotionally!! Hate him!!!!!!
Hmmz, he messaged me around 5+pm, asking if I was busy the whole day. I was like no, but din want to bother him lohz. He said I was bluffing, but to tell you the truth, I was busy enjoying myself. Enjoying talking cock with my friends, laughing, getting angry with my dad blah blah blah. Anyways, I don't really know what I want from him also. My feelings for him is like the weather, sometimes hot and sometimes cold. Meaning, sometimes the feeling is there, sometimes it's not. Maybe cause he's not my bf ba, he's kinda a crush. There's part of me that likes him, but part of me is telling me not to get into a relationship cause I've actually no confidence in myself right now. He's a very sweet guy, and if my future bf/husband is like him(not sayin that he'll be my husband), I'll be very happy. He actually came down to my house here just to see me lohz, at around 11++ close to midnight le. He's a sweet guy, but I still need more time to recollect my feelings and all, cause I'm damn freaking confused about our relationship...to continue like this or not to continue, that is a question, a question where the answer doesn't lies in me, it lies in him...and partly in me, cause I don't know how much I like him......
Jalan Jalan Family Him
Yesterday went Ikea to buy the cups for Atomic Anniversary door gift. Supposed to meet WL at 4pm, but I reached Eunos around 415pm. Damn! I'm always late. Then we chat chat till we didn't realise we were just 1 stop away from Queenstown. Reach there liaoz missed a total of 7 buses!(Liang, 7 not 6) From the MRT we walk to bus stop, we actually missed 1 bus, and since we had to wait, we sat down and I smoked. Halfway smoking, another 195 ran away. Smoke finish liaoz, 195 come, but very cramp due to the fact that everybody chooses Sat to go Ikea. So we waited and I smoked again..and u can guess lah, the history repeated itself 2 more times before we had enough and boarded a bus cause it was rather late liaoz. Almost 6pm lohz! Don't know if Ikea is big or we were NSOD(no sense of direction), we momentarily got lost in the maze of furnitures and human bodies. It was until we ended up where we started then realised we actually had a map all along, the brochure that I took up from the counters. Ok I know, we're stupid. Hey, how was I to know that to reach tableware you actually have to go down to level 1? After finding our main motive, we walked around. That's the diff between guys and girls. Guys get what they want and get out of there, girls shop for those things they don't really need and if it wasnt closing time, think they also won't come out de. LoL. So me and Liang walk walk, thinking of lame things to do with the furnitures etc, then went to Queenstown Shopping Centre walk walk. No shuai ge, alot of xiao didi though. He bought his cap le, although abit steep. We then got ourselves lost again in the shopping centre, coz this time no map. Went Macs and talked about decorating my room, I want abit of zen in my room lehz. I want my room to be so comfy that the first thing you wana do when you come into my room is sleep. Muahahaa..then at night went City Hall, Liang treated me to Out of The Pan. His workplace. Nice food, but ex..very paiseh..then Sue came! Me and Liang were so bored that we betted with each other what color tee she wearing and who she'll sit beside. Liang won the color(he say black I say white) but I won the seating place(she sat beside me). Liang think going thru 2nd pruberty, the dinner so filling he still hungry, so went to Prego eat mud pie. I went there drink tea nia, see got cute guys not. Got quite a few lah. 3 of us discussed abt Jacky and Liang, and chatted till Prego close liao still continue chatting at Swissotel lobby. I was kena fucked by the manager coz I was actually lying on the sofa. Such a position is not demure de..majiam I want to sleep there like that. Fucked it! Went home rather late and Sue almost cannot make it liaoz. She gonna be robot liaoz..steady man..rest more lah girl! Very worried about this girlfriend of mine....
I finish PMSing and now it's my dad's turn. Crazy leh, I made the first move liao, trying to chat with him but he chose to shut his stupid freaking golden mouth full of rotten, decaying teeth. Wow I'm bad. Ok..he chose to shut his mouth to protect me from seeing his disgusting fake teeth. Muahahaha..at least mom was nice to me today. She bought my favourite roast duck from my favourite store over at Sheng Shiong there. Nice hor? This morning weigh myself is 65, after eating the duck I weigh 66!! Damn that duck, it's sinful!! But oh lord, it's so juicy and aromatic!! Argh, will diet tml..haha.....
Well, nothing to say about him today except he's a stupid fool. Go out don't know how to bring keys de. Always kena locked out..esp today coz even his maid not at home. Haha!! Night time didn't really chat on phone but this is our conversation over in the msn when discussing the HIM Liang was referring to in his blog:
Me: u know who the him he's referring to?
Me: muahahhaa
Him: me lah !
Him: nan dao he meant ur other him meh ?!
Me: i'm laffing my ass off
Him: u gt other him ?
Me: y?
Him: wad y ?
Me: why u ask
Me: duh..
Him: if u gt then i will ignore u liaoz
Me: why?!?!?!!
Me: why u ignore me?!
Me: *kokz*
Me: *poke poke*
Him: coz i dun like to share
Me: yah right..
Him: ...
Me: that time duno who say that both of us got the right to go find other ppl de..who huh?
Me: lol
Him: i dun wan to talk to u liaoz
Him: i go watch my lotr liaoz
Him: hmpf !
Then got quite alot in between which are not impt de lah..then continue ba:
Me: *angry*
Me: u always get ur way..never let me win de
Him: hahah
Me: i refuse to talk to u
Him: coz i know u gd to me mah
Him: k lah
Him: my fault lah
Him: okei ?
Me: hmph!
Him: sorry lah
Him: dun be angry okie ?
Me: i dun want u liaoz..me go find another him
Me: :P
Him: u sure ?
Me: u willing to let me go?
Him: onli if u wan ..
Me: i'm askin if u willin
Him: no
Me: haha..then ok i go find..muahahaha!! Damn i'm evil
He's actually rather a nice guy lohz, but really don't know what he's thinking. Both of us Aries mah, very hard to understand each other meh? 4 days difference nia (he's 4 days older than me), character shouldn't be much of a diff, we both need love and attn, which is what we're giving each other now......
School School, today's Sat for goodness sake! Think I'm crazy or what? Go school? I'm not that hardworking! Haha, yesterday as I've said, was very stressed up lohz. In the late afternoon, I walked past the cleanroom then Carlos paged me from inside. When I picked up the phone, first thing he asked me was why I look so tired and pale. Told him that I feel very stressed and tired. Recently never sleep my 8hrs wor. Since he was in the cleanroom so I asked him to pass me the box of wafers that belonged to Anu. Anu was our lecturer who had left TP but the wafers we did were still inside the cleanroom. So I brought back the whole box of wafers. In total think got about 7.5 wafers. 1 of it was cut liaoz. I passed Emily one and Nicholas 1. 2 of which were mine and gave half to Eugene. Question: How many wafers did I bring home?
Him Yesterday he called and asked me out for dinner. At first I suggested Tampines, coz near my house and I can go for the Alumni Night first. Told him I going with Weiliang, then he like told me sua. In the end we came to a compromise, I'll go with Weiliang, but then I'll meet him at Bugis at 645pm. I left school around 610 and took a cab down. The late will have to treat dinner mah, and he was suggesting we eat sushi. Reached Bugis at 630, and waited till 7pm then he come. Dinner on him lohz! He very nice lohz, keep giving me things to eat. But hor, I'm dieting, so din really eat much. After dinner, we walked to Suntec and watched movie, Meangirls. Damn! We shifted at least 4 times! At first, we find our seats way too high(shift in) at the back, then we were thinking at least align ourselves to the middle of the screen. Shift right. Then got ppl come in, we took one of their seat. Shift left. Then got somemore ppl come in..so we shift back to our original seats. Fun right..shift here shift there. After movies, we walked back to Bugis and share a cab..at first. He say cheaper if go his house then he send me home. So I was like ok lohz, can save money. Who knows, go his house he forgot to bring key, then I like very paiseh to go in. How will the parents think of me man! He called his brother, then his brother drove the car out. Bravo. So I told him I'm going home, so I got into the lift. He thought I was joking, so he say go lohz. I really got to the first level, then look back. He never chase me..sua. Really wanted to go off liaoz, heartbroken. My phone rang and it was him! Our conversation:
Ans: 5! 2 of mine must bring home also mah. *Lame* Was quite happy to bring home the wafers..each 3" cost $50 hor! I went to WL's CU and played with solder. Long time no solder liaoz, so fun!! We actually had the Alumni Night dinner at 5pm, didn't want to go but WL like alone, so went with him for awhile before leaving at 6pm. Saw Wenhui, this guy who used to have a crush on me when we were like in sec 1. Piangz! He's so macho and cute! Most imptly, he's taller than me. Not many guys are taller than me. 1.72m lehz, you think what. Around there lah..1.7 +-2cm. Sigh..WL going to PMS again wor..duno how to solve the ever-growing problem between him and Jacky..argh! I'm so stuck in between...
Him: Wei you really go ah?
Me: Yah you say go mah, and you din try to stop me
Him: Wanted to but you go so fast. Turn around you not there liaoz
Me: Ah huh then?
Him: You want come up to my house now or what?
Me: Paiseh, your parents later..
Him: You want you come up now, else you go home (How MCP can he get?)
Me: Ok..
I went up and messaged him when I reached his door. I sneaked in and watched advert clips on his comp. So bored..then we started chatting and talking. I called Jacky and we chatted, then become he chat with Jacky. I was so tired then I sat on the floor and rested my head on his bed. Almost fell asleep then he pass back the phone to me. Then he sleep. Chatted with Jacky for quite awhile, and when I hanged up, he was already asleep. I stared at him while he sleeps. He looks like a child who'd just finished crying and is now sleeping soundly. LoL. Duno why but he opened his eyes and arms and I crawled in. Was rather afraid that I might fall asleep so we chatted. I like the way he laughs at my little jokes and lameness. See him so tired, oso no heart to wake him up le. He snores so loudly!! Haha, so I went home by myself again.
This morning he came over to my house and had a bath. We slacked around the house for awhile then went to eat Macs. We had a long chat, chatted about almost everybody but us. Got a feelin inside of me that I can't describe. When he told Jacky he as someone he likes liao, I've a feeling it's not me. Maybe my PMS coming back ba, so low self esteem again. Sigh, but yesterday really fun lohz. Today not so fun le..sigh sigh....love..it's the greatest thing in the world yet it causes the most pain to everybody, including me.........
School Today school not very "shun li" for me. Although my first lesson finally got things for me to do in the wafer lab, I was rather steamed steamed. What you expect? I slept at 2+am the day before and woke up at 645am. Even my mom was worried for me cause she see me everyday sleep late and go school early in the morning, then come home late and do reports and all. Of course, got blog everyday..sigh. Just now do AICDES lab then my op-amp symbol spoilt so I have to redraw the whole thing. Even the lecturer couldn't pin point the problem so he gave me a new account and told me to redo the whole thing. I was like so stressed, seems like recently got so many things to do and so little time. Term tests are like in 2 weeks time and I don't understand my studies. Fucked up..I'm fucked up..I'm so damn fucking stressed. Piangz, have to redo the AIC lab very sian..I spent 4 hours doing now all go down the drain. Feel so helpless, useless and stressed up.....
School
Him
Today din attend my morning class, which was TCS(Telecommunication Skills). Instead I reached school around 0920hrs and went straight to my club room to study. I could have actually went up to my class de, but very sian. Today got quiz haven't study, so have to sacrifice TCS le. Sue and Huiling came up to get cookies and we chatted for awhile before they went back to their CU(competency unit) for SIP. While I was studying, Sim KC came in and chatted with me, encouraging me. In case you don't remember, he was the lecturer who bought donut for me. He also opened up the tutorial room for me so I can go in early to study. Nice? Very nice lecturer. The quiz I did only 10min then I go off le, first question very confident. Hopefully ba..haha. Anyways, I went for lunch with Sue they all as usual but coz I ended early, me and Sue went Design Pad and booked seats first. Eat liao we went reservoir "pray", but I forgot I've lecture at 1pm!! We stayed there till 1345hrs!! Woah..so meaning I come school for a 10min quiz nia! Haha..but have to stay behind and do accounts. Almost cried ah!! So many accounts to do, all in a mess..sob. Thank god Charmain came TP today to get her cert. 1 yr liao then collect..she also rather lazy hor? Muahaha..anyways, she accompanied me to the FA lab and all the guys were like gawking at her! Many of my guy friends were asking me why I never intro her to them. She's that pretty lohz. Then we chatted about old times, her Isaac and my him. She knows my him coz we used to study the same course before. Then Huiling wanted to see how Charmain look like now, but Charmain have to leave le so Huiling missed her by a few steps. I told Huiling that Charmain getting prettier liaoz ant that she looks like Zhu Ying. Guess what, Vivien(who had self proclaimed that she's Zhu Ying), was like not very happy coz got ppl look like Zhu Ying. She thinks she's the only one that can look like Zhu Ying. So I told her Charmain was the semi-finalist for Miss Sg and top 5 most voted for Hot Babes Contest. She was like, "SO? Miss Sg go Miss World also lose one what." Talk about sour grapes eh? Must be jealous that Charmain looks prettier than her. Dulun!! Insult my friend and you shall pay, for we shall insult you back till you cry..........
After school met up with Weiliang and the juniors to discuss things. After they left, me and Weiliang were discussing see which one got leadership potential. We got bored of staying in school so went opposite to bb-tea shop drink until we helped uncle to close shop. No joke! Almost 4 hours there k? Uncle also very nice, he drove us home lohz, cause we and him very close mah. Not bad, got ppl send me home today...
Today he called me during lunch, when I was at reservoir smoking. He told me he was very tired and I sort of felt guilty. I reminded him of the wager for pool, which I lost and he claimed that I didn't repay him. I did I did!! I repaid him yesterday night le. In the late afternoon, I was complaining to him that I've alot of accounts to go through and I was tired and I want to cry. He asked me to go rest first then go back do. But my treasurer don't let me sleep!! He told me to fuck my treasurer and just sleep. Now is 1223hrs of 16 Jul, and he says he's tired but he wana call me. Ain't he sweet? When Weiliang asked me today what is the feeling of liking someone, I thought of him and replied that funnily and although old fashioned, but the saying 'ta de que dian ke yi kan cheng you dian' is quite true for me. Haha..I missed him.....*yay* He called le and I shall end here.....
School
My
Him
Today got quiz and I din study yesterday. My 5% fly away liaoz..fly away..anyways, after that quiz(AICDES), I actually passed the day quite happily. Went to EEC's lab (Eugene, Elton and Chan Yeh) and chatted with them. Was helping Elton massage when he told me to stop. When I asked why, he said he was getting a hard on down there. Haha, funny hor? Massage also will. Then we go eat lunch, i squeeze his leg near the knees area where it was supposed to hurt or itch, but he also say got a hard on. Diao..I cannot touch him liaoz, he keep having hard on!! Then he say if I want to continue to play, might as well play with his that thing and I was like . . .
Went to play pool today. Although I was having severe cramps due to PMS - P, I was rather accurate today. Our wager: 5 slaps on each side of the face. Winner gets to slap the loser. I was slapped 10 times on the face, so sad. Nevermind, got my revenge when I crossed over to Weiliang's table. He kena slapped by me 30 times! Muahaha..I was actually chanting "18 slaps" each time I had to hit a ball cause I slapped him 2 times liaoz. And everytime I said that, my ball goes in. Shiok!! Haha..WTH..so fun! Was supposed to go there study for my ICAPP quiz which I'm having tml, err..can considered today le coz it's already 1:08am. Really enjoyed myself..and best of all Weiliang said I'd slimmed down! Muahaha..
Best Friend
Erin messaged me today. She asked me how sincere I was in our friendship. I told her that after much consideration, I'm not sincere at all. It's like most of the times I'm the one messaging her and calling her first before she'll find me de. Makes me feel as if I need her more than she need me. Then we were debating about our rights and wrongs and she said I always hurl abuses @ her. In case you're reading this Rin, go to my friendster and read the section under About Me. Anyway you were my dearest friend, think I'd have apologized to you right? I knew her since P5, woah..that's long you say. That's not it lohz, we've been best friend since P6. Remembered during sec 1 come my house then have teddies fight, then we always cook together even though we're in different school(Her sch just 1 bus stop away frm mine, and during sec 4 it's just nxt door). Every year she sure come my house bai nian. To tell you the truth, I'm very proud of her. Up till now, there's only 2 friends whom I'm proud of lohz. One's Sue and the other's Rin. Back to the topic, then she asked me why I not sincere or something, then I told her she's changed. It's as though she's a fashion and I'm a fashion slave. Everytime she changes, I've to keep up and it's hard keeping up with the changes. The last time we met up was very weird cause we don't talk happily or laugh at each other, we were like 2 strangers whom have just known each other. Sad isn't it? I don't even know what is to become of us now cause we didn't manage to fix the bridge that joins us together, like a broken bridge across a wide river.......
Heh heh, today got cramps so I msg him tell him I'm in pain. He was actually quite concerned and said that he'd meet me later @ night to pass me panadols. He din want to go play pool with me and my friends, yet he's willing to come down to fetch me and bring me panadols. Sweet right? In the end he DID come down Parkway to play pool. It was less than 6 rounds I guess. He din have the chance to buy the the panadol coz in the afternoon I told him no need le and in the end Jacky bought for me le. He send Weiliang and Huiling home and he did send me home -- to his home that is. I was like so paiseh cause quite late le, around 11pm liaoz. Then the mother like not very happy coz he these few days din get enough sleep. So I sat in his room till he settled his things, then helped him fold his overall. He looked so cute when he's packing his bag, looking so serious yet so cute. He left me alone in the room for quite sometime and when he came back, he apologized and gave me a hug. I was seated down and he was standing up, and when he stroked my hair, I felt so loved! Then he went to bed to sleep and since I was lying beside him, he hugged me tight and we chatted. By the time I was to go home, I was actually cursing at the day of the week, why can't it be Sat so I can spend more time with him? He sent me out the door and gave me a kiss, but the most memorable kiss was the one he gave on my forehead, the one place where I loved to be kissed most.....
School
Today duno too happy or what, got up early, bathed early, dressed early and went to school early. Reached school at 845am. I must be mad man!! I'm actually 15min early for school! Then go find Sue, then went together to Eugene's lab pass him the "bible of vb". Then I went class..got so bored there!! Was kena outcasted by my friends in lab cause the 3 of them sit close and the jokes couldn't reach me. Saded..feel so left out. In the end Zhiwei waited for me..then went to eat breakfast. In lecture keep talking to Theresa, Michelle and Zhiwei. Sue called me during my lec and asked me which LT I was in. I repeated 28 alot of times and during the first call, my lecture seemed to be very quiet and all were looking at me. So paiseh..
While studying for my quiz (tml de..AICDES) in the clubroom, my ex-lecturer Sim KC frm 2 semesters ago came in and gave me a donut. I asked him where he got it de, he said he happened to pass by my clubroom on his way to post letter, then see me studying so he went opposite and buy donut for me to eat. So sweet right? Before he left he asked me to study hard. Heng he never start his nagging on my smoking habits. LoL. After meeting, I chatted with Jacky @ kopidiam, then I went home le..but I went home angrily cause of a bastard...
The Bastard
Guess who the bastard is? He is none other than my ex. The most recent one to be exact. I sms him to remind him of the money he owed me. Told him I'm going Bintan then I need the cash. He told me to pawn away the ring, which I had actually paid for. He then asked me to go get someone to pay cause I'm good at sucking ppl's blood. KNN!! He's the one that's best in making ppl's blood boil!! Damn, I'm boiling now! He backstabbed me somemore lohz! What kind of a man is he man?!?!? CB..argh!! To think I wasted 3 yrs of my youth on him! Damn he's mean!!
Him
Told him abt the bastard and think he was rather angry too. He's real sweet today! Of course, after the way we talked to each other so angrily the night before, it's time to kiss and make up. Nopez din kiss..coz din meet him. He msg me automatically today. So nice..haha..actually yst night we had talked things thru. He said he like me, thing is he's not into committment right now. Well, I heard him say those 3 magical words and I'm happy. That's why PMS also gone. He wanted to come fetch me home from my meeting, but my meeting ended early so I went home by myself. Still waiting for him to call me though..cause he say he'll call me once he reach home.....
Sigh sigh..today again steamed steamed stoned stoned pass one day. Today kena hit by lecturer, stupid biatch!! Was playing with the circuit today coz it kena shorted liaoz, then she come hit me coz my stupid machine keep making the "tsa tsa" sound. Piangz..she could have just told me lohz! Hit me siah! KNN..pain pain!! Then I went lunch, and was actually harassed by bees! Irritating leh!! This is the only time where my frens appreciate my smoking habit. Lol!! The bees did go away after i lit my first ciggie, and only 1 or 2 tend to fly around us from time to time. One of the bee after "smokin" was actually so high it flew into a saucer of chilli sauce! Stupid bee..who's ur mama? Went back lecture and was 30min late, so i just sat behind the wall in the lt, far from the lecturer's eyes and just played with my hp. After that, the last lecture, me and my frens were so bored that we asked each other "qian bian wen da ti". So lame!! Too bored lah..can't blame us. Then I went to find Eugene, Elton and CY slack. Kena bullied over there..hit myself also..stupid moron!
Him
Well, today din talk to him much, but he was down with sore throat and was thinking of going over to take care of him today if he got mc. Too bad lah, his MO think that he's fit enough for light duty. We exchanged alot of sms today, was quite happy with the last one though..
Me (1713hrz): It's raining liao so be careful when you drive home today k?
Him (1717hrz): I nt driving ...Hehe ... Thanx dear ...
I'm gettin really confused abt my feelings towards him..maybe it's just a crush and maybe it's not..but did he have to give me the feeling as if i'm in a quicksand? The more I want out, the deeper I go. Especially after yst night when I asked if he has other lovers other than me. To my question he replied no, he only has 1 lover and that he's very committed. He has 1 gf, 1 wife, 1 mistress, 1 lover..etc.(1 of each only, so very committed) *LAME* Then he stopped laughing and said to me that seriously, there's no other lover in his life right now and there's only me. Yst PMS then he said the sweetest thing to me. This is the conversation:
Him: y pms now ?
Me: duno
Him: u wan me to hug u ?
Me: just dun have the mood to do anything
Him: *hugz* (he's tryin to b lame..as usual)
Him: comon ..
Him: u're the sweetest person i've known that has alwiz been there for me ..
Me: yah right.......
Him: really lah
Him: sometimes i say these things onli once
Him: so better treasure it ok ?
Me: okies
Ain't he the sweetest thing? Wait? What am I saying!! I'm just having a crush right now..just heck care me..I want to be happy again and not tied down by a stupid crush.....
Hatred
I'm beginning to hate myself. Don't know why but after reading his friend's blog (a chiobu in fact), I've this stupid low self esteem all over me again. I hate myself. Why am I so tall? Why am I so fat? Why am I big boned? Why am I big sized? Why are my feet big? Why is my breast small? Why is my waist wide? Why do I have to wear contacts? Why why why?!?!
Sudden feeling of hate coming over me..I hate myself and I hate him. Why did he have to show me his blog? Why is his blog connected to her? Why did he have to be the only one that can carry me, piggy-back me and sling me over his shoulders when no one could in the past 1 yr? Why did he piggyback me all the way past Centrepoint last night? Why did he invite me to have dinner with him and his mom? I hate him for giving me these memories that I can't keep in my heart. Why is he such a flirt.....why why why........
Laughter
The only thing that made me laugh today was Sue. I didn't dare sleep in case she can't wake up in time to go work. Woke her up at 7:00am, but she wanted to sleep somemore. Couldn't wake her up..then i sat on my chair and nodded off. Woke her up again at 7:15am. She say she's gonna take cab and told me to give her 5 more mins. In the end, she woke up by herself within 2min. After she got out of the bed, I climbed in. The snuggled against my soft toys and she climbed in beside me. To get her going, I kicked her out of the bed. Finally she went to freshen up and I gave her a packet of nova coffee. After that, she departed....and I went back to sleep at 7:40am.........
Yesterday ended so happily. Although I have to go school to distribute the flyers for ETCM talk, I was willing to do so. Coz WL had told me to be the organizer, which is something Mr Wong had asked me to be instead of a normal helper. After that, I went home and slack the whole day, playing gunbound. I saw him on msn, but I stopped myself from msging him. I don't wish to look too needy on him..though the things he sometimes say really seemed as though he loved me. Like that time he went out, I din want to ask and I told him I have no right to ask his whereabouts. To that, he answered me by telling me that I've all the rights to ask anything about him. In the evening, I and him played gunbound together, and it was him who messaged me first. He called and we chatted for quite awhile, and throughout the whole conversation, I was actually smiling. Asked him to join me and my friends for a session of ktv and he say he'll join us after his dinner with his coursemates. Indeed he did, although we didn't really sing finish any of the duet songs, I was satisfied that he was there for me. We went Newton circus after the KTV session and we sat there for almost eternity. Me and Sue drank while the other 3 guys ordered non-alcoholic drinks. Seeing him able to blend with my buddies made me happy..the feeling is almost indescribable. He was feeling tired by the time we left Newton and had sent us near to his house to take cab. Before I got down, he asked me to accompany him for awhile, but Sue was coming over to my house, so I turned him down. Wanted to give him a peck on the cheeks, but felt it was inappropriate infront of my friends. Well..now my friend Sue is sleeping and I'm thinking of him..wondering how long can we carry on like this....
Today I din really want to wake up. Had a happy night the day before. He came over to school to send me home. Yesterday there was interview for the new batch of students. I stayed in school till 10+pm. He came all the way from his house to Tampines and bring me home. I'm living in Bedok only. When I first got onto his car, I felt kind of weird cause the whole of Wednesday we din talk or message after the incident on Tuesday. He took me to Macs and I had treated him to a packet of large fries. I don't mind actually, as long as we can go back to being close and I'm able to be with him. Am I falling in love? We later went for a spin and he brought me to places that I never knew existed around my neighbourhood. Likewise, I've brought him to places he never knew existed when we were alone. He later sent me home, and had reversed the car in such a way that my block's shelter is on my side of the car. Before letting me go, we kissed each other..then on, I knew I want more than 3 kisses....
Today is confirm not a good day for me. I've been moving around school in stoned stoned, blur blur, steam steam mode the whole day. I don't get it..I slept at least 8hours the night before. Must be the lecturers too boring. Met a friend whom I've not met for like 1 year 3mths+..he's still the same. At least he seemed fine, unlike me. I almost lost my wallet today. Was @ the bus stop, waiting to board the bus then realised my wallet gone. It was actually sitting in my clubroom waiting for me all this while. So paiseh..made my fren wait for me at the bus stop. After my classmates' SIP, they came over to my house to slack..then went to eat dinner. On the way to kopidiam, Eugene swung his bag and accidentally hit my head. Woah..pain!! Baluku came out. Then after dinner all of us went over to WL house celebrate his mother's and sister's birthday. Then play mahjong..temporary forgetting the guy I'm actually falling in love with. The very same guy who'd hurt me 4yrs ago and I still stood by him. In the end, he broke my heart by ending my day with a heart shattering speech. He said he only promised me to be my lover and not my boyfriend, so he will try to give me the attention I need, but not the love that I want..