Insecurity

Woke up this morning with a strong feeling. A strong sense of jealousy as I recalled the conversation with Kev just hours ago. He told me he chatted with Theresa and don't know why but my heart was aching like hell. Is that jealousy? I hate that feeling..argh. How I wish I can just tell him never to talk to her again, yet, I want him to blend well with my friends. Argh! How complicated and contradicting can I be? Why am I so jealous of her? Well that's easy. They look compatible, they're on the same frequency most of the times, they don't mind the age gap, she's pretty and he's cute, well that pretty covers most of the reasons. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOooooooo.......don't give me this shit now. I feel so insecure!! Buy a safe? LoL. Buy an insurance? I'm being lame..but my heart is still aching. That's why I don't like my bf..ANY one of them to be too close to my gf..why you ask. Cause I've no confidence in myself that's why!! Let me kill myself please. Argh. I hate myself. Why do I have to intro them to each other in the first place? Coz I want the whole world to know that he's my bf...*sob*

Kena dua

Supposed to be studyin with my 4 musketeers and Theresa de, but reached school liao Han Sim then tell me they had cancelled. *Diaoz* Theresa couldn't make it cause she was feelin sick. Boh bian, already in school liao so met up with Wenhui in library to study. He ditched his studymates and sat with me at another table. I did my studyin while he did his. At a point of time I really couldn't understand my lecture notes that my eyes begin to tear. I do feel stress..I really do. But when it comes to a subject I hate, I'll try my best to avoid it. Sigh. CKTCS is the subject I hate most and the only subject that I'm weakest in. Stupid. Why must it be examinable? Called Zhiwei and asked him some questions, and he was outside. Suddenly a few minutes later he called and say he on his way to school and came up to library to teach me. He taught me a few steps and I really understood them. He left shortly after and so did I. Kevin came over to pick me up go eat breakfast. Yupz..breakfast at 2pm+. I was just too lazy to cook at home and frankly speaking, my appetite lately hasn't been too good. Wonder what's wrong with me..anyways, met Kev at Applied Sci carpark and I was shivering with cold, even with my jacket on. Think I'm falling sick again....

He completes me..*puke*

Brought him over to God ma there to eat. Promised Godma I'll show him to her one day. She was happy for me and couldn't stop smiling. Hmmz. Duno why. Dun ask me. Maybe coz she find it funny, know each other so long liao then get together ba. After brunch, we went back to my house and slacked. We sat on the sofa watching tv, with him lying on my legs. We were laughing and discussing what was on tv and we got bored with tv and started playing Jenga while watching Chicago. After 3 rounds, we got bored again (we're aries, we get bored easily) and I went to the room and sleep. He lie beside me and hugged me while we chatted about things. Wanted to meet Sue and HL at Orchard but they going home soon, so called Shufen but she meetin her bf, so in the end went out eat dinner with Kev, Weili and ZZ. Went Hougang eat and dear was really nice. Maybe cause Egg wasn't so nice to me and I was being deprived of being served food and treated nicely for 3 yrs. Kev put me before himself, always giving me food first before he give himself. Sigh. I'm deeply in love. Shit. LoL. He kept telling his frens that he's worried abt my studies coz I keep slacking. Diao. ZZ keep askin Kev if he wants to send me home coz I look very pale and asked me if I need to go home study. Aiyoh, no worries..these few days never see sun, of course pale and as for studies, I more worried than you guys. LoL. Went shopping at NTUC and he wanted to buy me Choya coz I keep lookin at it. Muahaha. Missed that drink. Went over to his place and chatted for about an hour then we left liaoz. I drove home!! Stupid road was wet..so I was driving at 50kph. So slow. LoL. Sigh. Don't know why this morning I so sensitive. Maybe cause he means alot to me? Things that don't come easy are more treasured than things that comes easily. It wasn't easy having him..muahahaha. Love ya dear.

Mid Autumn

Was at home yst. Ate quite a few number of mooncakes. LoL. Shall not write much coz gonna prepare go school study liaoz. At night met up with Wenhui to smoke de, then in the end we were starin at the moon and drink kopi. Wait it was teh tarik. LoL.

Late Supper & Burning Oil

Had a late supper with dear, ZZ and Weili yesterday. Ate till 12+am, then dear came over to my place and sleep. He was chatting with Theresa online. Was quite happy that he mixes well with my friend, but can't help having this feelin inside of me. The feelin that either he or she will like each other..more than just a friend. Sigh. Anyways, dear was sleeping and I was supposed to be studying for my IBTCPT quiz today. Was feeling very energetic, maybe due to the fact that I drank TEH-O (stupid dear..asked him order teh, he go order teh-o) just an hour ago or that I'd slept the whole day away. Was getting bored with studying, so I wrote a poem. LoL.

POEM

When I first know you
It was fate
You had a girlfriend then
I knew I was a tad too late

I gave you what you want in hope that
You will be with me
But it was just a fling
A relationship that was never meant to be

All these years we've been friends and such
But my actions had not proved that much
That I treated you more than I would treat a friend
Accompanying you whenever I can

All these years I stood by you
Even though I had a boyfriend to start anew
Never had I once let you down
In times of need or whenever you frown

After all these years of being just a friend
You had finally took me in your arms
And hold my hand
You said the 3 magical words
I've been wanting to hear
The words had never sounded so melodic
When other guys whispered it in my ear

Now that we're finally together
There's nothing else to fear
Except the fact that I've no confidence
Whenever you aren't here

We're together now
All thanks to fate
Thank you fate for bringing us together
Even though it's kind of late....

*Don't puke..it's just an amatuer writing poem again. LoL. Steady pom pipi right? Xy also can write poem. I've been asked to go poem exhibition before hor, 2 times I've entered into semi-finals..but never go read my poem. Why leh you ask. Well, first time was like in Florida. I have to pay for my own expenses..sianz. 2nd time was at LA. So far..both times I also studyin..if go there win nvm..if don't win waste my time. LoL. Enjoy my poems ba..feeling rather poetic these few days....*

Slack, slack, smoke & slack

That's what I did the whole day! OMG!! How can this be possible? I'm such a slacker, and I love being me. LoL. Supposed to meet Xiujun aka zz at 11 de, but 11 I was still at home. LoL. Decided to go buy ciggy, so went buy ciggy. $7.50, cheaper than outside, take cab, go sch, sat down with Sue, HL and Jacky at BB eat my brunch. Ate half a plate I don't want eat liaoz. We were having such a fun time. I talked to Jacky then my food accidentally landed on his forehead..he talk then his saliva accidentally drip into my food. LoL. All sorts of funny things. Kept laughing at Sue and me. We're such jokers. Lame. Sue said I looked pretty today. Well..maybe coz I was feeling pretty today. I think I am therefore I am. LoL. Went to meet ZZ at library at 12, I went to pay my fine. Lost a stupid library book. Damn! The book cost $13++ and guess how much I had to pay in the end? $29.25. KNN. Remind me NEVER to go TP library borrow story books again. I didn't even read that book! Argh. I curse the person who's holding the book. Curse you!! Hope you fail ALL your subjects and get kicked out. Nah..hope you fail your main paper, your sup paper and forever remain in TP with the sucky system!! *Evil*
Anyways, after meet ZZ, went to find John. John was with Nic, Han Jie and Iskandar. Nic made the canteen chair into a recliner. Woah!! The incredible. LoL. Went smoking with John till 1pm, then TIME FOR QUIZ!! Went in the lecturer keep calling my name. "Seet Yee pls settle down. No talking already. Put your bag on the chair Seet Yee. Seet Yee don't talk. Seet Yee Seet Yee." Argh. Hate my name. After quiz went to find Weide pass him his book. So shiok, I study this subject whole sem no need buy book. Weide lent me for the whole sem. LoL. Anyways, went back to find John and smoke again until 3pm. After that went to cleanroom and slack, before finding Theresa, Michelle and May Thu to study. Go there no mood study, do what lehz? Walk here walk there, print notes, then go buy drink. Went to find Sue at her lab, then chit chatted, complained here and there abt that stupid ABNN bitch. Use my card borrow book till got fine also never tell me. Such a bitch. Argh! The school is crawling with bitches!! Bitch. LoL. Sue treated me to a stick of honey from Coffeebean. I LURVE sweet things!!! I have a sweet tooth..make that a whole mouthful of sweet teeth. LoL. I ate 2 sticks..why? Coz I'm xy. Huiling say the rest of the ppl eat 1 stick each, and I'm the only one eat 2 sticks. LoL. I'm xy mah. Right? LoL. I'm cute, I'm irresistable, I'm a good friend to almost everybody and I'm childish. So everybody tends to give in to me. LoL.
Went to slack with Jiawei when he reached Short circuit. He introed his friend, think his friend's name is Jiayuan or something. Can't rem. Anyway, his friend looks like Zhang Zhi Lin!! Julian hor..the guy from HK..not the girl from Marie France. I find Zhang Zhi Lin ok lookin nia lehz, maybe that's why he so pop. LoL. Jiawei said I'd slimmed down quite alot. And the last time he saw me was like 14th Aug lohz. LoL. He say my face sharper, my arms smaller and stomach smaller. No!! Me fat le. Sob. He asked me if I ate any slimming pills. Haha! I'm waiting for him to buy me Xtrim for x'mas!! LoL. Was chit chatting till Theresa called to tell me that they're leaving. Oppz!! LoL. So went to take bag, meet Jiawei continue our talk crap..then meet up with John smoke again, then go Tampines for shopping spree!!
Nah..not really a shopping spree..just bought a jeans and a top from Fila woman. What else can 3 women do? Shop and try on clothes..one after another. LoL. Had so much fun. Waited for dear to come, and he did come. He come Tampines to help me take my shoppin bag de. LoL. Joking. Went our separate ways after shopping coz me and Kev watching movie. Theresa gave me a wet kiss on my cheeks. Damn, on purpose de. Idiotz.

Stupid show..+ 2 ppl world

Queued up for the show Dodgeball. Damn it's funny lohz!!!! Piangz. I'm laffing my ass off. Stupid show. But it did teach me something. Unless you're dying, there's no feeling or something that's too bad that you can't handle. LoL. Maybe ba. Stupid Kev don't let me drink the ice tea. Funny huh? Don't let me drink then why buy in the first place? He don't really drink ice tea one lehz..always drink coke. So gassy. So meaning he buy for me to drink one mah. LoL. He put the drink 1 seat away..so I cannot reach. At one point I was snatching the drink, then stupid drink drop on the floor. Sianz. Cannot drink liaoz. Went to take a bus, but was smoking when bus came, so we sat down and drink coke and smoke. LoL. Saw John and was telling Kev that John is my "darling". He's been my buddy for like..err..since we joined Psychology class 1 yr ago! Muahahaha. We were always that close de. Kev said something which I hear le rather low morale. He said he should go find darlings also, since I have so many. Piangz..my darlings are who lehz? Eugene, John and Jacky. No more!! They're either gays or attached. Oppz! Jacky is considered a very good friend. LoL. Not gay, not attached. If Kev go find darlings, I sure die until jialat jialat. Why lehz? Coz the girls have crush on him de mah!! Walk everywhere see this girl, see that girl, he'll tell me this girl used to have crush on him..that girl used to crush on him. Piangz. Saded. Make me feel so insecure SOMETIMES. Note: SOMETIMES coz most of the time I boh chup. It'll make me feel better to boh chup sometimes too. No need to think so much. Sigh. But what was the ultimate thing he said after I argued that how would he like it if I asked Wenhui to be my darling? He say he'll go find another gf and seriously speaking, he not afraid that he cannot find. Ok ok..I know you've alot of girls crushing on you. Go ahead then. If they're really better than me then pls go. KNS. Where's my file..me wana file somebody's dick cm by cm...
Dear..time to file that lil thingy of urs!! File already pain right? Me will put ice water and salt on it..followed by the yellow medicine..muahahha...the file I'll find those that inmates use to file the metal bars away de...come come..LoL.

Self declared holiday

LoL. Keep things short. Still got things to do and it's rather late liaoz. Today, or rather this whole week no more AICDES lab/tut/lec. So my first lesson by right is supposed to be at 10am right? Wrong. LoL. I self declare at 11am, go for lecture nia. Didn't want to see that stupid Prata face. LoL. Go lecture also put bag then go out liaoz. Went out to meet Sue at Jacky's CU. Chatted with Sue, Ci Bao, Jacky, Weiliang, Nicholas and Barry. Was kidding with Ci Bao, telling her not to bring her bf down to Sue's chalet else I'll jealous. She replied saying that I'll also bring my boy down, I was like no lohz, he coming on 2nd night. LoLz. She actually believed that I'll be jealous and she say then she don't bring liaoz. LoL. Cute girl, really very very cute. Too bad to you guys out there, she's getting engaged after she grad in May next year. Muahahhaa. Was chatting then Zhiwei called and informed me that the class over liaoz. I ran all the way back to get my bag. Got my bag liao, went up to 15-3 and do project. Sway, Zhiwei's research all in diskette, so went to locker take paper, then walk to EN23-5 print. Stupid printer no ink, so how lehz? 1pm liaoz, I have to go liaoz..I decided to compile everything and send to Zhiwei before tml. Han Sim called and said they were encountering problems with their CKTCS project, so I went to ji siao awhile. Troubleshoot their circuit and found out that they din add capacitor. Too late liaoz, so went 15-3 take my bag and Emily's bag, went back to 15-5 to meet her and pass her the bag and I was off at 120pm to see my dear.

Sickly dear

Dear got 2 days MC. Why is he always sick you ask. Don't ask me, go ask the doctor. LoL. Took a cab down to his house. Stupid uncle thought I was living at the condo, and wanted to drive in. I was like it's ok. I don't live here. He then went on and on about how good it is living in there. Yah lah uncle, just drive. Argh. Reached at around 140pm, then called dear. Lied to him that I just finished in school, blah blah..and don't think I can go over. He was like expecting me to say that already, damn. He asked me where am I exactly and I told him swimming pool. He was like chey! LoL. Went upstairs, we watched VCD in his mom's room. I almost wanted to lie on the floor. He was lying on the bed and had offered me the space beside him. But ppl's parents' bed, like not very good so I sat on the floor for 1hr 40min. *Ouch* Butt pain. I didn't eat lunch either, was so hungry. Watch finish liao went back to his room and I did some research on copper metallization. We then watch TV until both of us fell asleep. Or rather I was the one who crawled into bed first, cause I was too tired out. LoL. We woke up at 4+ cause his father coming home and he told me that he'll send me down. Orhz. Continue to sleep. His father came home but I still continued to sleep. LoL. Woke up at 530, msg Sue that Kev might be joinin us. In the end I watched the TV-cum-wake-Kev-up till 615, stupid cockroach was so damn fucking big!!! *Disgusted* Then I buey tahan liaoz, so I went off first.

Coffeebean..Gossip..Fun..

Reached Tampines at around 630pm ba. All of them had already eaten liaoz and I didn't want to eat. Was smoking outside TM then saw Weiliang. Was surprised. Asked him where he going, but actually guess what? I wasn't interested at all. Was just so bored smoking alone. He replied that he'll be back later. I was shocked. Later? Err..don't tell me he joining us for coffee later wor. Shit. Anyway, I went Starhub and changed my sim card before meeting the rest. We shopped around NTUC for awhile then decided to go Starbucks. Sue, Huiling and Jianyu went to buy drink while I sat outside and transferred the numbers from phone to sim card. 250 spaces!! LoL. So excited. Jianyu suddenly came out and said he going buy something. I din care much also. Soon my drinks arrived and so did Jianyu. He came back with food!! LoL. My dinner. Ya Kun bread!! Muahahaha..so long no eat liaoz. So sweet. Orders by Sue and Huiling. They're so kind! Love ya!! Anyway, was drinking then Jacky arrived. These are the original people I asked. Why lehz? Cause I long time no hang out with them le. LoL. Eugene didn't come. Damn! Stupid banana! LoL. We were all chatting and laughing then suddenly WL msg me ask where we all. I msg back bucks. Didn't expect him to really turn up. Don't know why recently see him I feel very fake. I mean my reactions towards him very fake. Cause maybe I don't treat him as a friend anymore ba. More of an acquaintance than friend. I still don't like the way he talks as if he's attacking everyone. This is what Jason used to teach me, before anyone eats you, you must eat the person talking. Attack when you can. To me, I feel this kind of gesture is showing your insecurities and that you've to attack people just to feel good and assure yourself that you're good. Lack of confidence. Anyway, when he arrived, Jacky gave me that face and I shaked my head. I didn't ask him down. Not me. Please, sometimes I can't even stand him, so why would I ask him out? Nah..not my style. I was feeling kiddish today, and since this gathering exist because of me, I was holding their attn. Of course lah! I asked them out cause so long no see them, and so long dun have their attn liaoz, ask them out to give me attn de mah. Jianyu and HL accompanied me to buy mooncakes at Swensens, I'll be collecting it this Fri. Yay!! We chatted and laughed, but after WL's presence, it seemed abit odd. What did I do lehz? As always, I tried to rope all in, to listen to my stories, and all of us share abit of juicy news here and there. Jacky went off soon after, cause he's meeting his friend. Thanks Jacky for coming down and joking with me. I feel much better. We were all talking and gossipping then suddenly Viv came. Sianz! Ok..many of us don't like her. LoL. The air changed. LoL. You get what I mean. Anyways, Jianyu and Viv left after awhile and we all slacked around waiting for Kev to arrive. Kev decided to send me home as a form of apology. LoL. He reached liaoz, me, Sue and HL went to toilet and when we came back, we went our separate ways. Kev drove me home while the rest went home on their own. I feel bad but I really don't know what to do. Coz Kev's my bf, he's not my chauffer. He'd been sending my friends home as long as I can remember, and I know he does it only coz I asked. Sigh. We went home and sat at my blk, chatting and smoking, before we knew it, it was 1130 liaoz, time for me to go home do report and time for him to go home rest...

Sick le..

Why I feeling cold lehz? Cause I sick le. Feel so weak now, yet I'm burning with anger. Argh. This morning skipped TCS, supposed to study for ICAPP quiz de, but when about to leave house go school study at 1015, I felt my stomach churning. Uh oh, not good. Went toilet and did my business, came out and left my house. While walking to the bus stop, my stomach hurts and so did my lower left abs. Stupid sharp pain that had left me so long ago has come back to haunt me. Shit. Decided to take MC since I don't feel like failing the quiz. Yesterday night really cry till pillow wet wet and cry till I fell asleep. Didn't have the time to study, and morning got this kind of shit. Na bey. Called Sue cause she's suposed to pass me $130 for the chalet and told her I'm going see doctor. Took a cab over to school. Went to her lab and Jacky (Tong Liang) poked me in my side. Piangz. Pain. Told him not to do that. Think I really look sick cause Firdhaus and Alvin says I don't look alright. Even Jianyu also said that. Shit. Sue passed me the money and I hung around school for awhile. I realised I missed hanging out with them. Mon I've met up with HL for awhile nia to buy something, Tues & Wed we didn't have lunch, and today's Thurs..I really missed them. I missed crapping with them. I've so many things inside of me and I feel as though I'm gonna burst. I need someone to talk to. I don't want to cry everyday. Sigh.

At the doctor's..

Anyways, went back home around 1130 and took a cab, cause my side was hurting too much and that stupid bus didn't come. Waited for 10min before I decided to take a cab. Went to doctor and told her I had diarrhoea, and when she pressed on my side, it was hurting. She told me to lift my leg and I felt numbness in my lower left abs. The doc said if the pain continues, I better go for a checkup. She told me if sharp pain on right (which happens occasionally), it's appendics, and if it's on the left (happens frequently), it might be an infection in the bladder, womb or big intestine. Ouch. She gave me a day MC and asked if I wanted another day. I told her it's ok. I need to be in school tomorrow. Went home and bought tidbits. I know..I'm not supposed to eat tidbits. Well, I had what I deserved. I vomitted out the tidbits. Saded. Waste my money. Drank alot of water today, but I just keep having the runs. I feel so weak now. Just cooked porridge for my family and had eaten my medicine, but that doesn't stop me from feeling sorry for myself...*poor thing*

Guys, I missed you!

Guys as in not guys literally. I missed my friends!! The last time we really went out was last Sat, 11th Sep. The time I had with them was so short. I really missed them. I missed crying and sobbing infront of them. I missed hugging them. I missed their touch. I missed drinking coffee and being crazy, forgetting who I am and all my troubles when I'm with them. I really missed listening to them nagging at me. I missed telling them what's new with me. I missed telling them my troubles and having them there to solve my probs for me. I missed going down to One Fullerton and drinking tea and talking abt our pasts. I missed giving IQ questions and receiving nonsensical answers back. I missed suaning Sue and HL and kena suan by the rest back. I missed those late night cab ride that I have to share with them. I missed smoking when and when I feel like it with them. I missed having them give in to me all the time. I missed screaming and shouting and yelling together with them. I missed drinking with them. I missed those nights talking about our future and what we want to do in life. I missed having the chance to know them better through those talks. I missed bitching about pop idols, lecturers and friends with them. I missed going KTV with them. I missed laughing and joking with them. Most importantly, I missed them. Guys!! Suefong, Huiling, Jacky, Eugene, Chan Yeh, Jack, Weiliang!! I missed you guys!!!! Especially Suefong, Huiling, Jacky and Eugene. You guys were always there to crap around with me when we go One Fullerton. And you guys were the ones who always give in to me. I MISSED YOU!! *Sob* Now I need you guys..can you guys spare me some time to lend me your ears and shoulder to cry on? I really need you guys right now..I'm goin thru the roughest patch in my life right now..HELP!! I want to go drinking, I want to go smoking, I want to forget all my troubles!!!!!!! Guys..let me stop missing you k? Just meet up with me..after your SIP.....before I burst.....

Why Doesn't He Get It?

Had a quarrel with him just now. Over msn though. He read my blog just now. Men are funny creatures, when you want them to read they don't, and when you don't expect them to read, they do. Sigh. He told me he wants me to hang out with his friends. Isn't that what I'm doing recently? I've been neglecting my friends. As I'd said earlier on in another entry, before we were together, I'm always hanging out with my friends; now that we're together, I'm always hanging out with HIS friends. My friends are cool about it, but frankly speaking, I'm starting to miss hanging out with them. His friends aren't that crazy as my group, they don't slack as much as my group and of course, I feel more comfortable in my group. Maybe that's the difference between students and working adults. I really feel like giving up sometime. I really can't take it. I'm feeling stressed up with school, with family, with projects and quizzes, and he's not giving me an easy time either. I want him to be happy, and I know he's happier with his friends, so I accompany him and his friends. But everytime he thinks and feels that I'm bored. I'm not bored. I try to keep myself entertained. I do I really do! The main point is, with me having such little time for him, maybe I'm being selfish but I do really wish that those little time I have to be spent with him alone. He meets up with them almost everyday, so what's it to him if I just ask for a day or 2 alone with him? Ppl says the first 2 mths are honeymoon periods, and that couples usually do the romantic stuffs and always hang out with each other alot during this period. Well, I don't have honeymoon. For the past 1 mth, I've been hanging out with him and his friends most of the time. The only time we are together is when he comes over to my place, he drives me around or when I'm in his house. Note, it's house..not place, cause his friends will come over at night to his place and chat, then there goes our "er ren shi jie". Kev, if by any chance you're reading this, it's not I don't want to hang out with your friends, but please be fair to me. I need some time alone with you too. And at the rate I'm hanging out with you and your pals, I'm losing time hanging out with my pals too. You want me to hang out and know more about your friends, likewise I hope you do the same with mine too. And I do hope you'll set aside sometime for us, yep, just the two of us to be together. Coz I feel as though I'm sharing my bf..seriously, if there's a need for you to meet your friends, go ahead. I'm ok with it. But bringing me along everytime makes me kind of tired. I want you to hang out with my friends too. Do you get my point now? I WANT YOU TO HANG OUT WITH MY FRENS TOO, AND SET ASIDE AT LEAST ONE DAY A WEEK JUST FOR THE 2 OF US. That should be clear enough. I'm just so tired of everything right now..how I wish I can don't care and just leave everything lying around in a mess.......
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The things I want

What I want now lehz? So many things. Let me see...
- want to go chinese garden see lanterns
- want to watch resident evil
- want to watch a cinderella story
- want to watch princess diary 2
- want to watch 13 going on 30
- want to watch qian ji bian 2
- want to watch xin jing cha gu shi
- want to watch anacondas
- want to watch white chicks
- want to go turf club
- want to go drinking
- want to go smoking
- want to go clubbing
- want to go skating
- want to finish my exams
- want to finish my projects
- want to go m'sia
- want to go shopping
- want to do SIP
- want to redecorate my rm
- want to buy a new comp
- want to have new hp
- want to slack around
- want to be with my frens
- want kev to be happy
- want to get well
- want to learn guitar
- want to be happy...

Disappointed

Today I got back my CKTCS quiz 2. I was very disappointed. I was expecting a pass, but I got a 10/50. I calculated my CA, I need another 26% just to pass my CA. Where to get the 26% lehz? From lab work/graded lab(10%), project(20%) and class participation(5%). Out of 35% I've to get 26%, how to get?!?! Was really sad lohz. All because of a stupid careless mistake. I know how to do this chapter one lehz!! I really should just go bang wall and die. Was very very sad. Don't know who to tell also. Keep kena suan by Emily. She made some remarks about me and the number 10 very fated to be together cause my term test also get 10. Seriously, if I hadn't controlled myself I would had given her 1 tight slap. I look alright doesn't mean I'm alright. I'm an easy going person doesn't mean you can insult me and laugh at me in my face. Fucked up..fuck it.

Bitching Session

Met up with Erin today. Saw Andy in person. He's quite cute lah. Reminds me of Charmain's bf, Isaac cause both got small beady eyes. LoL. Quite gey yan lohz. Went to have lunch with Erin, was watching her eat and telling her about Kev and his friends. Suddenly, she asked me about this friend of Kev and I was shocked that she knows him. LoL. Almost forgot that Kelvin was from Maris Stella also. LoL. So she knows the group of ppl I'm hanging out with now. Haha! She had lunch at MOS burger while I was drooling over this guy at the next table. Looks very si boon. I just luurve si boon guys. Haha! Anyway, we went off to Coffeebean for a drink and JJ was behind me. SIP si bey slack sia!! LoL. Went coffeebean was looking for seat then suddenly saw this guy alone so we approached him and shared his table. Poor Vincent. LoL. Yupz..my friend. Yishun was studying then we walked over to ka jiao him. We shared the same table and was bitching about Erin's new guy in life. LoL. He was listening and wasn't studying at all. Haha. Sorry about that dude! Guess what? HE SMOKES TOO!! Haha..so I'm not the only one from 6/4 that smokes. Thank god. We left at 330pm since Erin couldn't make up her mind and had to go tuition, leaving poor Yishun alone to study again. Haha! It'd been 10 yrs since I last saw Yishun. He changed so much le!! So fit now..

Kev my darling

Sigh. Finally met up with him today. Went Orchard and bumped into Henry and *Urgh*, Egg. Ok I didn't really see Egg, just peeped over and saw his back view walkin towards Taka. I was at Wisma you see. Kev appeared and we shopped around, walked around and squabbled. I know he feels very stuck inbetween me and his friends, I can see from his expressions today. I'm trying my best, but sometimes really can't stand the things his friends are talking about. I don't care about his past, his past is his past, everybody has a past. I don't wish to know how good he is to April or Jieling or whoever fuck. It'd made me feel rather insecure. How would Kev feels if my friends keep telling him how good I was to my ex, but when I'm with him I don't really do all these? Sometimes I wonder why he chose me. I really don't know. All the feelings pent up inside of me is giving me enough stress, so much stress that it can break the london bridge. Told Erin today, before I was with Kevin, we're always hanging out with my friends; now that I'm with him, I'm always hanging out with his friends.
We had dinner at East Coast with his friends, and they ordered alot. I was really full but they keep insisting that I eat more. Being big sized isn't a sin, and that doesn't mean that I eat alot. My PARENTS happened to be big sized, that's why I inherited their genes and am big sized. After dinner Kev came over to my house. At first he was doing some computer maintainance on my comp, and he didn't talk to me or sayang me at all. He was checking his mail then I happened to see one from April, his ex. I thought it was April who had emailed him first, but looking at the title, it was a reply to him for his e-card. My heart shattered. I really feel like crying then. I'm already crying now. Slow reaction but still it feels so much better. I didn't know why I feel like crying, maybe cause my trust for him is there and he's taking advantage or maybe cause I'm jealous, angry, disappointed all rolled into one. I already had a bad day, and I'd already given in by going to Orchard to accompany him and his friend, and yet he had to let me find out this shit. He wanted to let me see the email, but I didn't want to. I don't wish to know. It really hurts inside, it's so painful..so hurting. I know he's nice to me, only when he's in the mood. Nah..he's always nice to me, but he'l joke and play around with me ONLY if he's in the mood to. If this carries on, I don't think I'll be able to take it. Yes he's nice and such, but I don't want a flirtatious guy. I don't want to control him cause I tried that with Egg and it sucks. I want him to be responsible for his own actions..I was so sure that he wouldn't do anything to betray me or anything..but now I'm not so sure.....maybe due to the fact that he's a flirt, I've no confidence, I've low morale, I'm disappointed, this ain't the first time and the list just goes on..eyes swollen liaoz, think I go smoke then sleep..too tired and confused to be studying for my quiz....................

Reminiscing with AP

Yupz, met up with my friend AP (his initials to cover his identity, for fear of his gf reading this and gettin jealous) just now and was reminiscing the good ol' days. The times (5 yrs ago to be exact) where he'd come in his boss's car, 2 weeks after he got his license to chauffer me to and fro, the times where he and I chatted in irc although we live just 5min walk away, the times where he would give me little presents cause I was feeling down. We were debating what would had happened if I chose him 5 yrs ago instead of Jason and Egg. Maybe we won't last cause I was still rather playful at that time, and he had to go overseas for education. Damn. LoL. But now he's happily attached and have plans to marry his gf. Lucky girl!! He's a very nice, romantic guy de lohz. Too bad I didn't cherish him then, but now we're good friends right? Funny thing was when he came back to SG for holidays 2yrs+ back, I saw him with his current gf and my heart hurts. Maybe I do have feelings for him then. Now..it's just my dear, my darling, my baby, my panda, my bitch, my Kev. LoL.

Reminiscing about Kev

Hmmz..was going thru his blog then I remembered I wanted to keep a data on the first things we did together as a couple..
11th Aug: First time he asked me to be his gf
13th Aug: First time we eat dinner as couple
14th Aug: First time we held hands
16th Aug: First time we smoked Seesha (dun think it's the correct spelling)
17th Aug: First time we went archery
17th Aug: First time we took a pic together
17th Aug: First time he said mushy things to me
18th Aug: First time he bought Haagen Dazs 2 cheer me up
21st Aug: First time he stayed overnight secretly
21st Aug: First time he dried and combed my hair
23rd Aug: First time we "quarreled"
24th Aug: First time he called me Lao Po
28th Aug: First time he stayed overnight openly
28th Sep: First time he let me drive home (actually 2nd time)
29th Sep: First time he drove me to school
04th Sep: First time we had BBQ
04th Sep: First time he bought a brush for me
04th Sep: First time he lent me Wilson
10th Sep: First time he took Wilson away from me
11th Sep: First time we celebrated our 1mth Anniversary
12th Sep: First time we feel a tough time coming
_______________________________________________________

Movies We'd watched

Date:              Movie:

Can't Rem          Shrek 2

Can't Rem          Spiderman

22nd Aug           Alien Vs Predator

06th Sep           Garfield

11th Sep           Raising Helen

Romance Is In The Air..

LoL. He was very sweet today. Was supposed to meet him for breakfast at Holland V this morning, but by the time he called it was after 1130 liaoz. Somemore I just woke up. He told me that he'll have brunch over at my house. I was like ok lohz, boh bian. I went back to sleep while waiting for him. He did came over and I overheard my father askin him whether the flowers are edible. Hmmz..I got flowers!! Heh heh, a breakfast in bed with a bouquet of lilies. Ok..not the white kind I like, but nevertheless, it's still flowers!! *Goo Goo* He went over to Holland V this morning to buy breakfast for me and I did eat the breakfast, although I had to stuff myself with the 2 HUMUNGOUS tomato. *YUCKS* I hate tomato. As long as anything that is sour/bitter I hate. That includes lime, lemon, bittergourd, celery, carrot. Yes carrot. Hate it the most, but I do eat it..with LOTSA salt!! Haha. Anyway, we ate breakfast and slacked awhile in my room surfing the internet. He played with my neopets. LoL. I went downstairs with him around 1+pm to have a smoke and he went home. Promised to go his house later today. Yupz, he just came my house to give me a breakfast and a bouquet of flowers. Sweet? Jealous? Too bad for you lah!

My CLEAN room

My room is so damn fucking clean! Even I can't believe it. My mom made me clean it. It wasn't out of my own accord. LoL. I cleared up my room, packed my books, vacuumed the floor and even mopped it! My gawd! The things I have to do just before I go out. But I was rewarded though, with a $50. So shiok you say. Go be an only child lohz, and you'll get the same benefits as I do. I don't do anything for free k? Nothing is free in this world anyway. I guess I should vacuum my floor every week, so maybe my pocket money will increase, like what my father hinted me. He say if I do that every week, my allowance can be more than $100 he also willing to give. Dad's lazy to clean my room. Haha!! Thanks for the $50 dad!! And thanks mom for asking me to clean my room, I know it'd been 2 months since I cleaned my room and I can actually see dust bunnies under my bed. LoL. Will wash my bed sheet this week..it'd been 2 months too..LoL.

Present for Shuwei

Shuwei, female Shuwei, not Jacky that Shuwei. Met up with Huiling and Eugene at City Hall. Got money liao of course take cab down. I was an hour late anyway. Haha! Morning HL went out with tiong, so I was expecting the 4 of us go shop for the present de, but funny thing is, tiong didn't join us. So what did we do? Got bored, went to Royal Selangor and we (Eugene & me) promised each other the things we would buy on his 21st, 60th and 80th birthday as well as my 31st and 60th birthday. These include a Guan Gong thingy, 2 golden dragons (all 3 for him), a golden banana (Eugene calls me banana, goodness knows why) and a "FU" word for me. Boh liao right? We went to Citylink and bought the present, was nuaing at Pcific Coffee Club while waiting for the present to be wrapped. What's the present? It's a thermometer. Go Ig's Heaven and check it out. It costs $69.90 excluding wrapper. The PCC ppl are so fucked up!! I ordered a grande iced mocha, and she gave me a tall mocha. Damn!! Never dig the ears properly. Treated them to drinks since I was late. Called Jacky at around 5+ and was told to buy a bday cake for Marc. We hurriedly gulp our drinks, collected Shuwei's present, went breadtalk buy Tiramisu cake and took a bus over to Parkway to celebrate Marc's birthday..

Marc's birthday

To be continued

Dinner @ Marina Sq

To be continued

C.A.N. Cafe

To be continued

His house

I was disappointed. Really disappointed. He promised to send me home and I had to lie to my parents just to suit him. Yah I know he's tired and he'd been running around buying things for me. But seriously, I would prefer a promised kept than a present bought. Understand? Meaning I rather he keep his word from now on than buy me stuffs. Went back to his house after nuaing at CAN Cafe, only to know that he meeting Zhizhang and Weili back at his house. Fine. I was actually looking forward to slacking in his room watching the VCD I'd borrowed from Dexian. NVM. He told me after slacking we go watch vcd. Guess what time his frens left? 2+am. Also nevermind. Went back to his house, he told me to let him sleep awhile, ok. I set the alarm at 315, but he didn't sleep. We were cuddling and I once again "quarreled" with my mom thru sms. All for him. He told me he'll send me home before 4am, so I didn't dare to even sleep a wink. 352 liaoz, he still sleeping. Tried waking him up and he told me he just wants to hug me a little longer. Fine. 4am liaoz, I really can't stand it, so I went home on my own. Had to coax him to get out of bed to open the door for me. I was so hoping that he'll keep his promise cause I'm low in cash. Really abit pissed, but more of disappointed. *Sigh* I feel so sad. Don't know lah..601am liaoz, I think I better sleep. My IBTCPT project haven't do, and frankly speaking, I where got time? Friday then give out the job scope, I went out till late late, Sat went out the whole day..fucked up life I have. It's time I get my priorities straight before I get messed up again. Life sucks, so do those ppl who don't keep promises. Never never promise me anything you can't keep cause you're just breaking my heart....