Disappointed Bitching Session Kev my darling
Today I got back my CKTCS quiz 2. I was very disappointed. I was expecting a pass, but I got a 10/50. I calculated my CA, I need another 26% just to pass my CA. Where to get the 26% lehz? From lab work/graded lab(10%), project(20%) and class participation(5%). Out of 35% I've to get 26%, how to get?!?! Was really sad lohz. All because of a stupid careless mistake. I know how to do this chapter one lehz!! I really should just go bang wall and die. Was very very sad. Don't know who to tell also. Keep kena suan by Emily. She made some remarks about me and the number 10 very fated to be together cause my term test also get 10. Seriously, if I hadn't controlled myself I would had given her 1 tight slap. I look alright doesn't mean I'm alright. I'm an easy going person doesn't mean you can insult me and laugh at me in my face. Fucked up..fuck it.
Met up with Erin today. Saw Andy in person. He's quite cute lah. Reminds me of Charmain's bf, Isaac cause both got small beady eyes. LoL. Quite gey yan lohz. Went to have lunch with Erin, was watching her eat and telling her about Kev and his friends. Suddenly, she asked me about this friend of Kev and I was shocked that she knows him. LoL. Almost forgot that Kelvin was from Maris Stella also. LoL. So she knows the group of ppl I'm hanging out with now. Haha! She had lunch at MOS burger while I was drooling over this guy at the next table. Looks very si boon. I just luurve si boon guys. Haha! Anyway, we went off to Coffeebean for a drink and JJ was behind me. SIP si bey slack sia!! LoL. Went coffeebean was looking for seat then suddenly saw this guy alone so we approached him and shared his table. Poor Vincent. LoL. Yupz..my friend. Yishun was studying then we walked over to ka jiao him. We shared the same table and was bitching about Erin's new guy in life. LoL. He was listening and wasn't studying at all. Haha. Sorry about that dude! Guess what? HE SMOKES TOO!! Haha..so I'm not the only one from 6/4 that smokes. Thank god. We left at 330pm since Erin couldn't make up her mind and had to go tuition, leaving poor Yishun alone to study again. Haha! It'd been 10 yrs since I last saw Yishun. He changed so much le!! So fit now..
Sigh. Finally met up with him today. Went Orchard and bumped into Henry and *Urgh*, Egg. Ok I didn't really see Egg, just peeped over and saw his back view walkin towards Taka. I was at Wisma you see. Kev appeared and we shopped around, walked around and squabbled. I know he feels very stuck inbetween me and his friends, I can see from his expressions today. I'm trying my best, but sometimes really can't stand the things his friends are talking about. I don't care about his past, his past is his past, everybody has a past. I don't wish to know how good he is to April or Jieling or whoever fuck. It'd made me feel rather insecure. How would Kev feels if my friends keep telling him how good I was to my ex, but when I'm with him I don't really do all these? Sometimes I wonder why he chose me. I really don't know. All the feelings pent up inside of me is giving me enough stress, so much stress that it can break the london bridge. Told Erin today, before I was with Kevin, we're always hanging out with my friends; now that I'm with him, I'm always hanging out with his friends.
We had dinner at East Coast with his friends, and they ordered alot. I was really full but they keep insisting that I eat more. Being big sized isn't a sin, and that doesn't mean that I eat alot. My PARENTS happened to be big sized, that's why I inherited their genes and am big sized. After dinner Kev came over to my house. At first he was doing some computer maintainance on my comp, and he didn't talk to me or sayang me at all. He was checking his mail then I happened to see one from April, his ex. I thought it was April who had emailed him first, but looking at the title, it was a reply to him for his e-card. My heart shattered. I really feel like crying then. I'm already crying now. Slow reaction but still it feels so much better. I didn't know why I feel like crying, maybe cause my trust for him is there and he's taking advantage or maybe cause I'm jealous, angry, disappointed all rolled into one. I already had a bad day, and I'd already given in by going to Orchard to accompany him and his friend, and yet he had to let me find out this shit. He wanted to let me see the email, but I didn't want to. I don't wish to know. It really hurts inside, it's so painful..so hurting. I know he's nice to me, only when he's in the mood. Nah..he's always nice to me, but he'l joke and play around with me ONLY if he's in the mood to. If this carries on, I don't think I'll be able to take it. Yes he's nice and such, but I don't want a flirtatious guy. I don't want to control him cause I tried that with Egg and it sucks. I want him to be responsible for his own actions..I was so sure that he wouldn't do anything to betray me or anything..but now I'm not so sure.....maybe due to the fact that he's a flirt, I've no confidence, I've low morale, I'm disappointed, this ain't the first time and the list just goes on..eyes swollen liaoz, think I go smoke then sleep..too tired and confused to be studying for my quiz....................