I'm feeling depressed. I want go die. But somewhere inside my head a little elf is asking me to be strong. He's going to be overpowered soon. I just can't take it anymore. I seriously need a shrink. Can't take anymore of this shit. Everyone's been lookin down on me, making jokes about my studies..saying my parents don't wana finance me bacause of my bad record in TP. So what if I'd spent 5.5yrs there? Does that mean I'll be condemn for life? It's not funny even though I'm smiling off the joke. You see, the elf is telling me to forget what people say, I know it best. But after these few days, I'm thinkin to myself, maybe they're right. I'm a condemn person. That does not bode well. Elf is weakening. I'm so depressed..more depressed than anyone would ever know.
Yesterday I was applying for SIM's BENG (Hons) in Electronics. Was told to choose 2 courses. Asked Kev about it and he replied that I keep saying I don't want to study, so why apply? I was crushed. Just one word, CRUSHED. My world came tumbling down. I'm feeling more depressed than ever. Elf is dying. He has no more strength to ask me to carry on even though I should. I should show what I can do..what I'm good at..and excel at those I'm weak at..but...I'm just too tired. Didn't even go school today. I have being a failure..I hate being me. Most of all I hate those people for discouraging me and making me feel worse. Hear that people? You take responsibility for ANYTHING you said!!
Breaking down..I'm really breaking down..help..don't wish to end it this way..I still have things to do..I want go HK Disneyland..I want to have my own car..I want to have a degree..I want..I just want to go die..........