I'm bothered

My relationship is..rocky? On the rocks? Unstable? Nah..it wasn't stable from the start. He's one guy that don't express himself. Another Eggie/Jason. Sigh. Why do I always fall for guys who don't express himself when I'm those girls that like guys to express himself leh? I was angry with him yesterday and he's angry with me today. I was very disappointed in what he said today. He asked if I wanted to go out and I said no. He sounded disappointed so I wanted to compromise. I told him I'll go movies but not ktv. Maybe it's cause he's upset liao, he told me that he's going ktv straight and can't send me home. I can go home on my own de, really I don't mind. But it's hurting when he said that. I meant such little to him that he rather go ktv straight than to accompany me home. Does it mean that if he sends me home, Zhizhang they all can't go ktv or start without him? He keeps tellin me that he's upset and all. But what about me? At least I told him straight that I don't want to go out today. Yesterday he kept giving me false hopes of meeting up. He told me he no money no car, don't want go out. But maybe will borrow his mom's merc and get money from mom to go out. He kept telling me that he'll call me later. Later did come, but when I questioned him about him coming down to Parkway, he told me that he didn't promise me. WTF! Why did he bother to tell me maybe? Why did he bother to tell me abt getting money and borrowing the merc? Why did he call and tell me that meet up at night? Argh. I was disappointed. My heart was hurting and I was really pissed. Not just pissed. Angry, dulan, frustrated, sad, upset, disappointed, crushed..all at the same time. Was it cause I didn't have a plan on where to go? But why do I have to make the decision everytime!! If I had plans, I wouldn't have slacked at Parkway! I'm tired of making decisions. I'm so tired of everything. I feel as if he needs alot of attention, but won't give me the same amount back to me. I feel so unfair. I really need care and attention too. I don't want presents from him only when I'm angry. I don't want presents at all for a reason. It makes me feel as though I'm materialistic, as if I'm only after him for presents. My dad's already doing this. He gives me money in exchange for the lack of time he has for me. Is Kev trying to do this too? Giving me presents in exchange for the wrong things he had done? *sob* I'm feeling so frustrated and down now. I want a ciggy but I'm broke. I'm tired. His whining are getting on my nerves. Sa jiao, that's what he's best in. When I'm in good mood I can tahan, but when too much of the same thing are repeated, it does get irritating. If it wasn't for the feelings I had for him, I'd have blown my top. Whining are for girls. Not guys. Only girls can sa jiao. Not guys. Ok ok..guys can sa jiao, but not everyday. It makes me kinda pek cek sometimes. Argh. I love him, I truly do. But I want to be treated nicer too. I'm a very fair person. I know he always hang out with me and my friends, and I should hang out with his. I do this on a first come first serve basis. If I jio my friends out first or vice versa, I won't dump them. If his friends had plans before I make plans with my friends, I'll push away all activities. I believe in fairness de. But I'm not treated fairly. He keeps saying he misses me but doesn't make the effort to meet me. Argh..whatever lah. I'm tired. I'll just pass one day by one day. I can't feel his love sometimes. Tml I finish school at 6pm and he's getting a mc. Don't know whether he'll come meet me w/o asking me, sort of give me a surprise at school or not. But most prob I don't think he'll meet me. Sigh..life sucks....